My life at the Spiritual Rights Foundation Cult

Games can Help with PTSD and Depression Symptoms

2011-01-25T12:26:00.001-08:00

My husband came back for a talk last night about, can video games change the world? The speaker, Jane McGonigal was speaking at Santa Clara University and one interesting study she relayed to the audience was one from the army. They have found that playing video games up to 21 hours a week with strong social components can help people cope from depression and PTSD symptoms caused from war, domestic violence and other life situations.

I would add it can help people suffering from social isolation after leaving a harmful cult. I can validate these claims as I have found playing boardgames as one of my most effective coping mechanisms when I feel stressed or down. In fact I play 1-3 nights a week with friends and feel tremendous afterwards, just as good as trancing or meditating I think.

So if any of you are feeling down go online and play some games or join others and play some social interactive games. Join a board game club, play with your family, friends, reintroduce game night at your house. It's good for you.

But with everything don't go overboard and be careful of addictive games. If you play more than 21 hours of games a week it can worsen symptoms, causing social isolation, depression, ext. I remember see in farmville being covered on the news a few months back. The reporters were saying it can be to addictive and some people start missing work, skipped chores ext. Well that is just one game. There are hundreds, thousands that are fun and can give you a boost without making you a slave to the computer. So do some experimentation and have fun.

Reflection: why I wrote

2010-02-25T01:26:00.000-08:00

I was meditating tonight on why I started writing, why I stoped and why I am writing now. All good questions. It is important to know ones own intentions, at least that is what I believe. I think it may be easier to be oblivious in the short term at least.

I started writing my blog out of anger, out of trying to break the chains of silence the people over there put me under, out of a phone call from a dear friend "breaking up with me" because other people told her to and for another woman erasing my comments on line. I know this is all very vague and each is an interesting story in and of it's self. But basically the people of SRF helped me start blogging about my experiences there out of there attempts to silence and destroy me.

I kept on writing because the process of writing was some how make sense of the chaos that filled my brain and lungs. This chaos at times was sinking me in an ocean of displaced anger, tempered frustrations and honest rage. I was all over the place and didn't know where to rest my head or who to trust.

Then I began to receive a few emails and comments from people who had been in similar predicaments as mine or was thinking about joining a place like this. How could I feel anything other then pleased that my messy and passionate writings was somehow helping others. It was motivating and emboldening. I started to really understand how important it was to pipe up for those who were to afraid to say anything or for those who were considering a new spiritual home.

Then the law suit came and I was instructed not to write for a time. I was pissed off for months. Then this time of isolation from my readers and viewers forced me to finally make the leap into widening my circle of friends. Well actually I had zero at this time in my history. So I joined social networks and instantly through my energies into meeting new people, making new friends and trying to figure out who I was outside of all the cult drama.

Let's see, what came next, we won our right to speak again without being hounded by those .... people at SRF a.k.a. the cult. I received much delight in writing that they were a cult in more numerous ways then necessary. The fact that they waived their rights to defend themselves while we called them a cult was invigorating.

I ran out of steam or interest. I was deeply involved with many projects and new people in my life. It was easy to leave the whole SRF thing behind for a time.

But now I find myself once again haunted by the imprint SRF has made on me. I recently made an outline or time line of important events that happened to me in the 14 years I was there. I was able to see my story or the flow of events as a more meaningful life.

During the last couple of years of my first real breaths of freedom as an adult I have often wondered how the things that happened to me could occur. It never made sense. Everything seemed so jumbled and fractured in my mind. I think those first few years met me in a downhearted and sleepless space that was filled with pain, humiliation, shock and hunger for a life that was lost. I felt limp, my soul tarnished by the warfare of Bill. I was adrift. I had no church to run to and non I would even consider walking to there steps.

But now is much different.

I still wonder what am I to do with all of this.

Feb 20, 2010

2010-02-20T01:43:00.000-08:00

Can't sleep. I have allot on my mind.

I have not thought much about the Spiritual Rights Foundation Cult for a while. I haven't wanted to for sure. Allot has happened, positive mostly for the last year. I have been able to sew my life back together again peice by piece. And the less I think about that place the happier I am.

But I can't ignore it all the time. Like right now, the last couple of weeks. Someone emailed me about my experiences at the cult. And I had to make a decision, do I just not bother with all the pain this conversation will bring or do I try to be brave again once more and share my story with a total stranger in hopes that something good and positive will come out of it. The best that can come out of it is that one less person will have to go through the hell I did. It's worth a shot right.

My mind is clearer then it has ever been and memories are easier to come about certain things. Still there are years that I have blocked out from the good ol' early days, no idea what happened to me at the cult. I can remember what job I had, who my friends were, going home to visit family and some things I was into but what happened to me at the cult, I could not say. Can you imagine how this feels? Probably not.

Then there are memories that are half formed, ones that come up and immediately try to stuff them away, to painful to confront.

And then there are other memories that force themselves into my life and take over, where I feel everything as if I was there once again and weeks and months of constant humiliation, manipulation and attacks are played out in hours and I am left debilitated for weeks. Luckily those types of memories (flash backs) have not occurred for over 6 months. But I fear them.

There is a loss I feel from all those years of being at a cult. Then as I am now fully interacting with my world and it's people there is a new sense of loss of time, more profound then before. I can't help but thinking how different my life I would have had if I had not been brought to this cult.

I don't believe there is anything I can do to make things right. There is not enough safeguards in our society for punishing people like cult leaders. First their followers are to afraid or brainwashed to talk and expose the abuse and second cult leaders need to be proficient at hiding there abuses to stay in business. Then there is the freedom of religion. Sure to some people it is their religion to fast, work or not work on certain days, believe certain things. So who has the right to come into a church and tell the congregation and close it down because that person does not believe the same way. Ok I may not be making much sense anymore, I need to eat more of that King Cake.

Cults at least the one I went to put allot of energy into hiding things from the congregation. They also worked hard at convincing and brainwashing us to hide most of what we were doing at the church from our family and friends. We were pretty much given a script of what positive things we could say to "outsiders" and the rest which was 90% of what we did in the cult was not allowed in regular conversation. The most common explanation was that people would not understand or invalidate you.

Invalidate - such an everyday term there. We were taught to believe that pretty much all "outsiders" would invalidate us because they were living in the world.

Mort Litwack, Spiritual Rights Foundation, Donations

2009-12-14T14:28:00.000-08:00

My husband told me 2 nights ago that Mort Litwack had passed away in his sleep. It took several hours for this to sink in. He was like a grandfather to me in my 14 years of knowing him. He would give me rides to Berkeley from San Jose for many years when I was only 18 years old. He loved to talk about everything under the sun.

I was loyal to him even though most of the church members at the time frequently talked bad about him. Bill, the cult leader of the church was trying to break him down so he would give up more of his money to him and the "church". Bill often humiliated Mort in front of the congregation at Church, in lectures, in healing clinic and so forth. Mort was made to believe that this was a great spiritual gift to be riped in front of people. He was told that because Bill really loved he was to be broken down. Bill often compared Mort's millions as that much more of negative ego. That if he was really spiritual and learning the teachings of the Spiritual Rights Foundation that Mort would give him some of his millions. Bill often said, "Mort you can't take it with you when you die, why are you hanging onto it". His selfishness was a constant source of discussion and a lesson for us others of not be like that. Like all of us we were brainwashed and worked on by the leaders of the church to give our lives and our money.

My fond memories are mixed by the revolution of the church and leaders who took away his golden years, where with is affluence, close family ties and curiosity should have made for a retirement in peace and respect unlike the hell that he found himself in constantly. Instead he got himself caught up with a maniac and an institution that in my opinion and countless others was the cause of marriages breaking up, children being torn away from there fathers, bankruptcies, suicide attempts, a suicide, a 2 widow's being stolen from, careers being ruined, severe health issues being ignored ext. Extravagant claims? Not really. Just read my blog, read my husbands blog, read 2 or 3 more blogs about SRF that we didn't even know till a few years ago when we left the place.

Mort was a free loving man, with good manners, amazing experience, a sense of humor I respected and a rebellious spirit. Despite what Bill was trying to do to him, Mort still rebelled and took those vacations with his family and wife. I loved that about him. And I always felt bad for him when he came back to SRF from a week long vacation and Bill and others would humiliate, pressure and condemn his choice to spend so much time with his family rather then stay at SRF and work for them. I felt sorry for him to have to be in the hot seat and was afraid of spending to much time away in fear that I would be condemed like him.

We drove up to Tahoe together many times. I always felt comfortable with him. I loved listening to his stories and he was a good listener as well.

I had the privilege to visit Mort and his wife Shasta at their house in San Jose. They seemed to love each other but it struck me how together and content they seemed while I was often told by Bill and others how they were not a good fit. Bill always tried to break up partners so he could have sole control. Bill, for over 10 years worked on Mort to make his wife tithe on her house. How outrageous. I hope that never came to be. I don't think it did.

Bill often spoke of Mort, in front of Mort and the congregation that one in his positions needs to keep his enemies close. He was meaning Mort was his enemy. We were taught that Mort had so many things screwed up about him that he was a bad influence on others in the congregation. So Bill had to keep him close, he had to spend more time "working" on his spiritual development. From what I heard, half of the time Bill was "working" on him was to get Mort to get rid of his ego and give his money to the church.

Another "evil" that was Mort to SRF leaders opinion was how educated he was. The more education you had the more you got made fun of. Education, in general was put down. Just look at most of the children who grew up in that environment. Before some of the fathers who left SRF took SRF to the authoritys, about 6-8 young children were not going to school, were not being educated. Finally when the courts rulled that they had to go to school most of these children had to struggle for years to get up to grade level.

God, and that brought me to the point of trying to remember how much Mort had wanted to give SRF in his will. I don't remember. But I know it must have gone up as time went on because Bill knows how to "work" on people. In fact anyone who had any money always held a special place in the leadership and by the leaders side.

Thankfully when Bill died, so did the constant taunts directed toward Mort. But then Mort finally got his wish of being in a leadership role. they needed Mort becuase he knew of the "world". Angela, Robin and Debbie are both undereducated and have been taught not to trust most people becuase they do not belong to SRF. They needed someone who knew about money, stocks, realastate. Thus Mort was is a perfect position. Bill was not there to stomp on him becuase Bill did not allow any man during his reign have any really power.

I was sad to see his independence go and saw a remarkable change in his personality about 5 years ago. He grew closer to the leadership and spoke of SRF as more of his family then his own family. In his sermons his often debased himself which I was shocked to hear. The crazy thing is the leaders Angela Silva and Debbie Livington - Bouchey smiled and were more comfortable around him because now he talked bad about his ego, now he praised Bill for him helping to help slowly kill his ego, now he had a lower opinion of education. He use to be a professor who tried to encourage me to educate my self. But the change happened, he finally succumbed to the brainwashing and then he started to discourage me from wanting a good education.

When I left SRF I had already broke ties with Mort as I saw him as another SRF leader not to be trusted. I was aggrieved that my friend Mort had changed into someone I did not recognize anymore. He did seem more content because he was now excepted by those at SRF because he finally was giving all he was to SRF. Why should a 70+ year old man be encouraged to drive hours a day several times a week.

I have thought of him, I have worried over him. I have feared what price he had to pay to finally be "in" with the leadership of the cult.

When I read the part about how he wanted people to donate money to the Spiritual Rights Foundation or another charity instead of flowers at his funeral I cringed. It never ends does it. How can you stop a beast like a cult when such wonderful and lovely people are fooled. How much is he leaving to SRF in his will? If you are family and are reading this please ask that. If it is a substantial amount please contest this. The Spiritual Rights Foundation is a disease, and financial offerings to them will only found their expansion of a disease that has caused hundreds of lives to be damaged.

Oh yeah, did you know that the Spiritual Rights Foundation Sued us for liable early this year. The stress of which I was forced to withdraw from school because I could not sleep for month and I was having flashbacks. They lost the battle, they were just trying to bully us to stop telling our story. They have not paid our lawyer per the the judgement. They have plenty of money but they always try to go around the law.

I know, my writings may be a shock to some people who did not know about the going on's at SRF. Some people may be offended. I apologize but my number one objective is to educate people about the cloaked society that puts a mask on of all smiles when really there is real abuse always undercover. I do not want anyone else to fall into their clutches and spend the last 20 years of their life at a cult that degrades them, humiliates them and tries to take away their security.

who is the monster little children

2009-09-25T12:12:00.000-07:00

Is it I who declares little daddy a beast

Who has the daddy issues
perhaps we both do but I'm not telling or is that your line?

Did yours make you take off your cloths, expose you to the congregation
did we faint out of embarrassment, did anyone know?
No. that was not yours,
not yours, what did he say, "your sperm donor".
No that was your spiritual father
right here on earth. lucky for you your mom got mind fucked

No your real father - you kicked him to the curb
and left him to bleed
while your mama looked on lovingly encouraging her daughters carcass being devoured by her hate.

I have the same nightmares. I to was slayed in spirit. The lines blur, man woman and child, we were all undressed for one man's delight.

Please don't think yourself so smart to think you know what I am saying, who I speak to and what beds I have made. I may stink with my own dirt but who are you to laugh and throw spiritual swords at me.

Is it right to blame someone.
Damn straight

Get your go go boots on and trample all those nightmares away
say they never happened and then embrace your many mothers
worship your father,
you own personal psychopath

Let them feel your heads with lies and fears
dig in deep for the fight that will always be lost

In the light of truth you all bleed
not the blood of Christ but that of your victims
you sucked their money and souls dry and now your gluttony makes you tremble and run
your hands thick with blood, dried and cracked from years of "sacrifice"

Where will it stop?
When will it stop? Perhaps never. Perhaps not.

SRF is still trying to cover things up?

2009-09-19T00:58:00.000-07:00

Not surprising that SRF, it's leaders and even a few of their brainwashed daughters are still trying to manipulate and connive their way out of their stupid law suit they made against us. They don't want to pay for their mistake of going after us and dare I say harassing us with illegitimate law suit and poor arguments of their purity and innocents at brainwashing and tearing family's apart and .....I could go on.

When Steve Sanchez, Mason and others took on SRF in the media I did not get involved. I did not quite understand why they were doing what they were doing at the time. Well because I was BRAINWASHED. How embarrassing if I were to have tried to fight them. This is just a flow of consciousness post right now.

There are some topics, people I would like to talk about but these people are a bit immature and they want to be called out, they want to rant and rave, they want me to add fuel to their fire. How tiring it must be to be so right all the time, to hate and want such revenge on someone you barely know. I am not talking about me, revenge has never really been a big driving force for me. Hate however, oh yes, hate has been a companion of mine when it comes to Bill Duby and others at SRF that have made many betrayals to me and others I care about.

But to come here on our blogs and peruse around and cowardly state how brave and righteous you are, come on.

It is easy to follow the crowd, and yes SRF is a crowd.

But to actually think for yourself, that is bravery.

Changing the subject, very rapidly; I just came back from a party. We played Outburst and who the heck has heard of a Taco burger? Is it ground up meat on a bun or what?

Back to Darth Vadar and his army...

I can't help to think how these lies that Angela, Robin and Debi Boushey are making are affecting their well being. Can dissociation last a last time? No, even I know that. I knew something was wrong at certain points when I was at SRF but I was trained by all of the above mentioned leaders that all of my problems, anxieties, frustrations were anything but SRF created. So they are of course blaming Mike and I, other former members, their moms energy, their dogs energy, anyone and everything but looking in the mirror and being able to see the hell they are creating for themselves.

No one wants to live a life, hurt people, steal and cheat and then admit to themselves that they were involved in real criminal acts and violations of human decency and ethical rules.

To the leaders at SRF, they never had to follow many ethical laws. Bill Duby taught all of us to get away with murder, avoid taxes, lie to others by his example. He showed us how to abuse each other, hate each other, meddle in each others lives, spy on each other. That was a big one, ministers were encouraged to SPY on each other and to spy on the students. That is how Bill was so "psychic". What bullshit. He would have his ministers spy on others and acquire personal information and then reveal what he has found out by others as prophetic and sent from God. Give me a fucking break.

Let's say it again:

SRF IS A CULT
DEBI BOUSHEY IS A CULT LEADER
ANGELA IS A CULT LEADER
ROBIN IS A CULT LEADER
CULT LEADERS ARE BAD

BILL WAS A CULT LEADER
BILL WAS A PERVERT - HE SURE BRAGGED ABOUT THAT DIDN'T HE!
BILL WAS A CRIMINAL, MANIPULATOR
BILL WAS A GREAT TEATCHER OF EVIL AND TERROR

I am thinking of that old commercial where it has a picture of someone breaking eggs into a pan and the narrator says, "This is your brain (the eggs). This is your brain on drugs (the eggs in the hot pan)

Yep anyone who stayed at SRF for very long knows what I am talking about. We all got allot stupider, passive and fried.

Don't Do Drugs

Don't Do SRF

Friends

2009-09-17T22:39:00.000-07:00

I had several parties for my birthday. One with family and the otter some of my friends through me a surprise party last Friday. Pretty cool.

I was half expecting someone from SRF to pop out of the cake with disapproval and yell at me because of their own projections about how unhappy I am.

Sorry, I could not help myself. Only a few will get that last comment.

Seriously, I was looking for someone in the room to look unhappy, jealous, envious, in "competition" as all SRF people seem to think is the case with anyone they come into contact with. No, everyone was cool and mellow, enjoying a good party. 12 or so woman came. Many more sent me emails, a few gave me a little birthday something earlier on in the week.

What a stark difference from just earlier this year and what about last year, now it is 2 years ago when I had all the great fucked up friendships from the great good woman at SRF who would constantly talk behind my back and some of my closest friends would constantly inform me in some way or another that I was a terrible friend and not quite enjoyable to be around. Of course I believed them. Over so many years this was brainwashed into me.

But now, in such a short time I find myself often the life of a party. I have more woman friends that I know what to do with and I hang out with them, go out, watch movies, have deep conversations or light and giddy ones several times a week.

No I am not the Joy that the good old SRF Culties were trying to make me into being. They are so fake and inhibiting. I thank the good lord that I got out of those witches hands.

I am not feeling particularly angry though I am curious why I am using words like witches and fake. I think it is because I can see things more clearly now and I am not afraid of those good old culties anymore. I am having a wonderfully different experience now and so it is easier to see what is in contrast.

I will have to say again, I was a bit tense at certain points in my party because I do feel sometimes I do not deserve all the love that surrounds me by my new friends.

I wonder if this strange experience of being here and then being transported back to the Cult will follow me my whole life. Possibly in certain circumstances. But I am happy to report that I am handling it much better.

I think I probably feel like a prisoner of war who was separated from family and any true loving relationship, shut up in the dark and given bread and water for years. Given just enough to survive but not much to be truly nourished.

Then after escaping this prison, finding himself years later, loved and appreciated, still struggling but sometime forgetting all the struggles and torture of by gone years. Then at a Christmas party, with loved one's surrounding him, with happiness and joy feeling his heart he finds himself bombarded with the feeling that the guard is going to come in at any moment and he will have to do push ups in the nude in front of all the other captives. Then feeling passes but a slight unpleasant feeling lingers, but not enough to stifle the joy and love that is felt.

Friends at the Spiritual Rights Foundation

2009-08-15T20:14:00.000-07:00

Every friend I had at the Spiritual Rights Foundation eventually made me feel like shit. For various reasons. Certainly in the last few years of my time there it was more of my worldliness and lack of participation that put some people on guard of me. They did not want to catch my disease. To SRF you are marked if you begin to back away from the teaching. They of course try to reel you back in but at the same time, one by one, you are being ostracized. You become keenly aware that if you leave your best friends and spiritual "family" will be on guard and eventually throw you away. As Debi Livingston Boushey said in a church service, to be friends with people who don't agree with the teaching is to be going against Jesus F*^* Christ! Whatever Bitch.

Sure I am still angry about the fucking crazy mind games that were played on me and those I loved. This is no longer a family blog. Who am I kidding. I was still holding onto some strange belief of how to be a good person and a sense of careful description of people at SRF.

As time goes by, the less I care about who I left behind and who spits in my face. I do care of course, but the less I care what you think of me.

I know some of you would love nothing more than to put a stake through my heart, don't worry you have already done that. I know you got a warm fuzzy feeling over that, don't try to fool me. SRF encouraged sadistic behavior. To know that I hurt only serves me right, to know that peoples lives are screwed because of lack of living... you ensured that didn't you? But your not responsible for us who lost the path. Your delusion is so far gone that you will never wake up until you meet your maker if there is one.

I know I am ranting. Yeah for me.

Having a tart

2009-07-30T01:37:00.000-07:00

Hello readers.

I am having a bit of a night cap with some tart and milk.

Earlier this evening I knocked out right after dinner and woke up around 10 pm. So I am very awake right now and this tart will no dought keep me that way.

I finally went up to my school and filled out the graduation paper work. Yeah. So yes I could have graduated in the Fall of 2008 but my schooling was rudely interrupted by SRF. Anyways though I still feel very bitter about last semester I am happy that I finally applied, meet with the head of the psychology department and got everything ok'd.

Now what to do. Well I may take some classes at a community college to get my courage up again, to see how well I deal with being in classes. If you don't know already, I would on occasion have flashbacks in my classes which was horrible, embarrassing and very discouraging. So I am a bit afraid of that happening again. Nothing like being in a room of fairly well adjusted studious college students when all of a sudden you are sent back in time to Bill Duby literally sitting on you or yelling at various people for various "spiritual crimes" that they did not commit. No, not the thing at all for a learning situation.

So that is the plan for now.

Our cat Tobby is so adorable. If you have not meet him he is big, huge really, black and white and so loving and he makes the cutest noises.

Coping Skills

2009-07-23T05:08:00.000-07:00

It's 5am in the morning. I woke up about a half hour ago in a panic, well a slow festering one. I don't quite remember what I was dreaming, of family and some Spiritual Rights Foundation People. And there was a feeling of a threat on my life. Hard to describe, more like someone was chasing me wanting to kill me. It's been over a month since I had a dream like that. Very disturbing really.

Then there is the feeling of fear that come, that I will never be right again, that I will be isolated very much like I felt so isolated and alone when I was around all those lovely cult members at the Spiritual Rights Foundation.

I also fear that the dreams will come back every time I have one of these dreams of the place.

You see back in December or 2008, I began having serious ongoing flashbacks of being at the Spiritual Rights Foundation. These happened before this but in December they became more frequent. Patches of memories of trauma seemed to rudely push their way into my consciousness. It was quite frightening and I began not to sleep for MONTHS.

I began to fear sleep because of the nightmares. Mostly they were about some of the Spiritual Rights Foundation cult members trying to kill me or some weird aliens and cult members trying to kill me or some SRF people actually killing me repeatedly and I found myself in a loop where I could not wake up but was aware of being in a dream. This would go on night after night, week after week. I was exhausted.

During the time of finding out they were suing me it was so bad, my lack of sleep that that I was utterly sleep deprived. I began seeing black blobs in my waking state and on rare occasion began hearing voices. For a week of this I was afraid to walk on campus and I kind of wished I was dead, not feeling like I could come out of this horrid cycle.

Finally after a really bad flashback that occurred for almost half a day and 2 hours in the car ride home which was extremely dangerous the psychiatrist at my college and I decided it was best that I withdrawal from the semester. I think she feared the lawsuit would bring me over the edge. So I got on sleeping pills and was given leave, my job was to relax, not do much if I could help it and take care of myself.

I was out of school and not working for but still the dreams continued for several months afterwards. I had to go through my blogs, dig up information for our defense against SRF's lawsuit. It was horrible for the first few months. I began to feel better as I began joining social organizations, making friends and started to believe that our lawyer was going to get us out of this mess.

That is a quick recap of this year so far.

Things have gotten better of course. I have made many new friends. I have been able to share some of my experiences with a few of them. It is nice to know I won't be judged or pressured into doing things as a way to 'heal' as the SRF people would do.

But I live in fear that the dreams will come back, become frequent again, that I will live in panic and fear and become depressed and withdrawn.

It's no fun coming out of a cult and from talking to ex-SRF members who left up to 8 years before me, the stress symptoms does not go away anytime soon. Some of these people still are having problems. Well what do you expect?

But as I have been trying to say this whole time, things do get better, sometimes slowly, sometimes faster. There may be set backs but it is worth to keep on fighting and living facing those fears.

Very important to cult survivors out there, learn what your coping skills are use them. Some of my coping skills are, surprise; writing, talking to someone about whats happening to me, being creative, playing boardgames, volunteering, cooking, going out with friends, challenging myself to try new things and meet new people.

Everyone has different ways of coping and it took me a while to figure out how to make myself better and engaged with the world. So I started my own board game group and woman's social. I have been doing these full time now. It's been very healing, have given me many opportunities of meeting new and good people. I have been gaining new faith in myself and my abilities.

Ok, it's starting to get light outside I better see if I can go back to sleep now. But I feel loads better.

For those reading this please share your own coping skills in the comment section.

Who is responsible for the law suit against us?

2009-07-17T14:10:00.000-07:00

SRF a.k.a. Spiritual Rights Foundation

Sued us unsuccessfully in the beginning of 2009.

They threatened us with basically taking everything away from us (again)

unless we stopped writing about our experiences at SRF.

They wanted us to take off all the names and experiences associated with SRF and Ishi Hypnosis because it was losing them business.

They lost.

They settled with us because they finally saw we were not going to be bullied this time.

They were not going to run us into hiding like so many ex-SRF'rs.

So they settled with us and now are going to pay our attorney's fees,well 99% chance that is. Ouch, that's got to hurt.

So the only thing they wanted because that is all they could get out of us was to write a little rebuttal to what we have written, which they have.

Their response basically says they are a holly organization and we are evil and demented people. All our bad experiences are really our projections and that nothing, I mean nothing bad happened at the hands of Rev. Bill, Angela Silva, Debi Boushey, Robin DuMolin.

They basically state that we are to blame for all our pain, hurt, suffering. We are little children who are sick. And they, the aforementioned are totally and irrevocably innocent.

Of course they do not sign their names and they post their rebuttal anonymously.

Cowards!

So in case you are not sure who these spiritual sages are (CULT LEADERS), here are there names and faces. It is always good to put a face on things. And I found one very revealing photograph taken on the Branson road trip. What does it say to you?

Bill Duby

Cult Leader #1 Deceased - thank god for humanity

This is who SRF is trying to protect.

An alleged child molester

A self proclaimed pervert

If he is not a true sociopath then I don't know what Manson was. They sure had allot in common.

Bill Duby with Daughter Gaby. a couple steps behind and a few feet away is his "wife" Robin DuMolin. Next to her is another child who Gaby wanted for the day. This girl spent hardly anytime with her mother or father on this trip because Gaby wanted her and what Gaby wanted Gaby got. And Bill hated the girls mother and was punishing her the whole trip. I rode with the mother the whole time feeling sorry for her misery and wondering why she hardly ever could see her daughter. Occasionally her daughter could ride with us when Gabby choose a new girl to play with and tired of her.

Oh and all those people in the background about 15-20 ft. away, that is all SRF people "enjoying" their vacation. Isn't it not revealing how the leaders are so far ahead, how the "wife" is so distant from her "husband" how a child is split apart from her parents. Just something to think about, after all a picture is worth a thousand words.

Angela Silva,

"Rev." Angela Silva

President of the whole organization, SRF, ISHI.

Bill Duby prided himself on telling the story where he would tie Angela up for hours, preach to her (brainwash) and how he knocked her out unconscious for her own good.

Those were the good old days of Rev. Bill. Of course in SRF's response they say Bill was just misunderstood. Of course he was...barf.

Debi Boushey

also known as Debi Livingston

or as Debi Livingston-Boushey.

Ishi Hypnosis Instructor

The latest I can tell you about her is it looks like she is really trying to hide herself from the Debi Livingson that she once was.

Still just devoted as ever to Rev.Bill, still working for SRF, Robin and Angela.

Oh yeah, she is the Bishop of the Spiritual Rights Foundation.

She is the main teacher of Ishi Hypnosis and the face that Angela wants to put out there because Debi is the most convincing person there that they are not a cult which they are. Debi is relatively intelligent though selective as any cult leader is in her information. She is the new Bill of the organization, someone to be feared in my opinion.

Oh yeah, in one of her sermons last year she told the congregation that they cannot be friends with anyone who thinks this place is a cult. If they do they do not love Christ and wouldn't that make them evil. No peer pressure there. That is why she is so dangerous, she is a controlling, manipulating cult leader who used fear, intimidation and group pressure to control the group. Yeah I would love to sign up to take your hypnotherapy training at Ishi Hypnosis. Sign me up... barf again. Please don't take my word for it there is a book written in part about her and about 4 news articles with her name in it. Sorry Debi its hard to hide forever if you are a cult leader.

Orange Juice, one more miracle.

2009-07-14T14:11:00.000-07:00

Mike just brought my some orange juice in bed. Somehow this revitalized me just enough to get me up again. I have succumbed to a horrible cold this last 4 days and in my attempts to ignore the call to rest, hear I am just as sick as yesterday and the day before that.

I was reading a couple chapters from the memoir, Julie & Julia by Julie Powell. She also is a blogger, one of the first who wrote about her one year mission to cook all the recipes from Julia Child's most famous cookbook, Mastering the Art of French cooking. It is quite something really and has inspired me to pick up some French cooking.

And it reminded me that I to have a blog and what to be done with it?

I have no particular plans for it other then just being out there as a resource to whomever comes across it in their search for cult, Spiritual Rights Foundation, should they take classes with Debi Boushey, should they take classes at the Academy Rights Foundation. All of these things all funnel into the vision of Bill Duby, a cult leader extraordinaire, a menace to society, a beast of men and an adulterer of anything innocent and good.

You see that's why I don't like to write as much, it is hard to not get angry at the thought at this place, the Spiritual Rights Foundation. I was a fool minister there once, a student for over 14 years, a hypnotherapist, a renegade spirit doing gods (Bill Duby's) work.

Error. Blogger.com is giving me an error message. Will this post be saved, will I be saved. We shall see in a few moments. Ahhh sweat success.

Orange Juice does the body good.

You Will Learn to Live Again!

2009-06-14T18:56:00.001-07:00

I just got back from a trip visiting some relatives. I am feeling relaxed and happy.

There is so much I could write, what happened during the whole law suit, what actions we took and why, new tid bits we learned about the cult leaders and how they were even more corrupt than I originally gave them credit for.

Not quite in the mood for all that right now.

I know many culties and culitie supporters think I should get a healing and move on. Boy you think that I could all be better by a snap of the hand. Sorry ladies and gentlemen it does not work that way.

Actually I am pretty much on tract to my recovery from the last 14 years of being in a harmful cult environment.

I don't feel like going through the writings by experts and finding the exact term of what stage I am in but I tell you what, in layman's terms, I have let out allot of the pain, I have been able to tell my story of my life and found that there are many loving people in the world that don't want a donation anytime you need a shoulder to cry on.

I am making allot of friends, I am in social groups now, I even run 2 social groups that have 100 people as members each. You see I found myself, literally running out of classes because of the trauma I experienced in some of the group activities at the Spiritual Rights Foundation. This has been terribly messing up my ability to get things done so I decided to immerse myself in groups and now I am loving it. Sure sometimes I start getting triggered and I have to use those wonderful cognitive behavioral skills I have learned but for the most part I am finally able to trust and enjoy peoples company again.

Another big change is that I finally was able to recognize how much of an impact that cult had on me and that scared me. That and a flashback that put me in jeopardy made me see that I needed to really slow down and take care of myself. More about that flashback later.

What I most want to say is that if you are in a cult, coming out of cult and or are still recovering from a really bad cult experience - it is hard, it hurts, its frustrating, you go through ups and downs, sometimes you feel out of control and sometimes you feel just fine, then...

You get the picture.

And as the weeks go on you get a little better, you learn a little more and you regain yourself with every step you take, every friend and family member you let in, every change you daringly make.

Keep on going, don't give up. You will learn to live again.

Spiritual Rights Foundation Gives Up

2009-06-10T14:45:00.001-07:00

VICTORY IS OURS!

The CULT Leaders of the Spiritual Rights Foundation have failed in their conquest to sue us and shut us up from telling the truth about the cult.

Stay tuned for their statement per the settlement agreement that they will post on our blogs. Of course they blame us for everything and claim that we are psychologically unbalanced. They are as innocent as the baby Jesus.

Give me a Break.

Check out my new video I just posted on YouTube. I made this a couple months ago after a disturbing dream about the cult.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ibyraCxaHSM

They will probably join Hitler in Hell.

Spiritual Rights Foundation is attempting to sue us for libel

2009-03-10T22:49:00.000-07:00

Spiritual Rights Foundation, Ishi Hypnosis, Debie Livingston Bouchey, Angela Silva, Robin DuMolin are the plaintiffs who say that my husband and I are spreading lies about them and their organizations and would like about $700,000.00 from us!

Amazing.

I have not made any knowingly false statements on this blog or my you tube channel.

They apparently have lost allot of money that they claim we are the cause of. And they want to "punish" us for what we are doing.

What am I doing? I am describing my experiences at the Spiritual Rights Foundations, I am describing my horror at how the leadership has treated dozens of people, I am using my God given right and my constitutional right to express my own opinions, experiences, and feelings.

I tell you when I got this document that is about 40 pages I was impressed at how they misrepresent us and put words in our mouths even when they have everything we have written on the blog at their fingertips. I was amazed at how far they will go to shut up yet another ex member from their rights.

They are afraid of the truth and will do as they always have done, make false allegations, threaten and bully anyone who wants to speak out. In my opinion Rev. Bill Duby is still alive and well in the leadership of SRF. And when they read this I am sure they will be really proud of that last statement.

If you are interested in reading said complanit just click on the link below and you can download it and read it in Acrobat Reader.

http://cid-124cc4866e2e37cd.skydrive.live.com/self.aspx/Public/Complaint.pdf

Hear is a Question for you. Please comment.

2009-03-08T01:10:00.000-08:00

I have always been confused about what the Academy doctrine of the word NEUTRALITY meant. I understand the meaning of the word but the Academy way of acting neutral somehow eluded me...to a certain extent that I could never put my finger on.

There always seemed to be something people weren't saying but we were doing it!

Anyone understand what I am saying?

If any one can enlighten me on this, or even a guess of what it could be, that would be great.

Pushers

2009-02-24T22:24:00.000-08:00

I was not feeling to well this weekend. Never seemed to come down with anything but I was definitely fighting off a bug or maybe I just needed the break to regroup and rest.

So what is new on the Spiritual Rights Foundation front. I have no idea. Well I do but I can't really say.

My mind has been on other things these days but whenever I am reading in my psychology books for school I inevitably read a story, a definition or something that fits some sort of pathological quirk of people or events that are an everyday occurrence at the Spiritual Rights Foundation. Then I have to think to myself, these poor people don't even know what they are doing.

Who is left anyways? Well I know who exactly is left and I know them intimately as intimate as you can get being it under Spiritual Rights Foundations rules. But that would not be right at this point to tell their names. What would be the point of that. It is only the leadership that is pointed out by name, they are the real victimizes. The other members are either victims or victimizers in training and no one has a clue of what they are into.

I don't know if I am making sense. This is sort of a stream of consciousness or maybe what Freud would say I am associating.

Now I think of how at the Spiritual Rights Foundation if I talked in psychological terms people would literaly turn away from me, unconscious probably but they would turn away their bodies or find a quick way to leave. Members of the Spiritual Rights Foundation are taught to fear, mistrust and disregard psychology or most people in the helping field much like Scientology. Yet most of the principles they use are twisted principles of psychology.

Mind control is a tricky thing. A person or a cult like organization slowly ensnares your mind, lovingly so until you cannot see what they are really doing to you anymore.

I just saw the new movie that is out called PUSH. It is about psychic people being imprisoned by the US government and experimented on in the hopes of creating a new army. The people called pushers can get inside of a persons mind and make them believe what the pusher wants them to believe even if it involves killing themselves. Rev. Bill would be the pusher in this story of the Spiritual Rights Foundation and he trained many more pushers to lie, steal and cheat but most of all to create a different reality then what is really there. Angela Silva, Robin DuMolin and Debi Livingston-Boushey are now the lead pushers doing there duty of trying to keep the lies up and the people under control. They are even trying to keep Mike and I under control even though we have left the organization. Some people never learn and never give up.

RoseBud Maid has her own blog now.

2009-02-16T19:00:00.000-08:00

So Rosebud Maid has decided to create her own blog as a way of combating what she believes is our misinterpretations of the teachings of SRF. She made her announcment on my husbands and my blog through comments yesterday. Here is the URL.

http://loveandlitesrf.blogspot.com/

Her plan is to talk about the teaching of the Spiritual Rights Foundation as it was taught to her. At least she is brave and honest enough to tell it like it is while the ministers at the Spiritual Rights Foundation are waiting for all this to blow over or their threats on my husband and I take affect.

Members of the Spiritual Rights Foundation and family, your threats will never affect us to change course. We are here to share with the public our experiences at the Spiritual Rights Foundation and their affiliate schools; Ishi Hypnosis (led by director Debi Livingston Boushey) and the Academy for Psychic Studies.

These are our experiences, our feelings, our knowledge, our souls we are reclaiming. Remember we live in America and you cannot stop us from telling our truth.

In that vain, I support Rosebud Maid in speaking her truth.

And if you try to get her to stop I will be on your asses about it because I know you don't even want someone as devoted as she to tell the truth about the Spiritual Rights Foundation. Shame on you for ever taking advantage of someone like her.

Feb 16 Presidents Day

2009-02-16T18:19:00.000-08:00

Hey there. I had a dream last night in which one of the members still there asked me, "Why are the leaders of SRF so nice to me if they are trying to control and use me and my money?" I answered that they do that to everyone, be nice to them, treat them as if they are special but then talk bad about them when they are alone with each other.

Love bombing is what it is called. Cults make someone feel special, unique. In the Spiritual Rights Foundations case we were told that we were part of the less than 1% of human kind that were free.

I never saw how that ever came to pass for anyone there. Half the ministers lived and live below the poverty line, they have few relationships outside of the church, few talk or are close with their real families, few have prospects of doing something "great" with their lives.

Yes these members of the Spiritual Rights Foundation are being told even to this day how wonderful their lives are, how prosperous they are, how great and healthy their relationships are.

Come on, reality does not match up with these announcements from the leadership. The leadership and all the members who are 90% hypnotherapists by the way are taught to keep everyone in a trance, an SRF trance. When will they wake up, when will they be free. I yearn for that day when I can see these people truly free from the tyranny of Rev. Angela Silva, Robin DuMolin, Debi Livingston Boushey an their lackys.

Am I The Enemy?

2009-02-10T22:43:00.000-08:00

To people at the Spiritual Rights Foundation and their schools the Academy for Psychic Studies and ISHI Hypnosis, I am known as the "enemy". I mean really, what kind of place is this that they call people who speak about their experiences as the "enemy" and "demon". Wow. Amazing.

Don't get me wrong. It is no surprise that I am the enemy in their eyes. I have seen many loyal members quickly be turned into demons and the enemy by the flip of a hat.

You see, you are not allowed to question the authority of the leadership, the teaching, the outdated models of "working"with people. You just can't. To do so is to draw a line in the sand and you will be on the side of the other "enemies" like Steve Sanchez. I am so much happier and in much better company on this side of the line.

This has been an interesting experience for me doing this blog and my vlog. I get comments by both sides of this line. I receive insults, bullying, propaganda, support, recognition, denial, grief, jokes, cruel jokes, readings of some kind(???), confessions, hate, disownment, connection, passionate displays, emerging survivors stories, inspiration, comments from people who have missed the point, insights, helping hands... All and many more come from doing this. It is truly a mixed bag. Nevertheless, this is what I want to do right now and I am grateful for the opportunity, even if it means making myself an "enemy" in peoples eyes.

What Does Spiritual Rights Foundation Want?

2009-02-09T01:51:00.000-08:00

What do the leadership of the Spiritual Rights Foundation want? Of course this is based on my opinion and my experience with leadership for over 14 years.

shut up and put up with any sort of absurdity
be available to them almost anytime of day/night
Complete loyalty and obedience to leaders
Flat emotions, Neutrality
acceptance of altered history, to ignore the facts
10-30% of all inheritances, income before taxes even if you are below the poverty line
to think, believe and act in the way leadership dictates
to not get certain professional help unless you get permission (ex. therapist, alternative healer)
to give up long time friends if asked, told or persuaded to do so
Be a tattle tale. This causes disloyalty to friends, family and other SRF members - leaders want to know all secrets, all the "bad" someone is doing so they can regain control, reign them in
Commit to more than necessary
Ignore, suppress, deny any doubts about leadership and Church's mission as apposed to actions
Lie to other members if told to
retake classes, go on retreats to support the church even if you don't want to
Act like you get along with everybody in the church even if you hate them
Do not become to intimate with anybody
Separate your selves from friends and family that do not want to be part of the church
Spend your evening at church
spend your weekends at church or church related activities
if you are free in the day, spend your day at church doing work
work for free
give up job if it gets to much in the way of church/leaderships needs
live in leadership owned housing
do not complain about leadership whatsoever
do complain about everyone else's bad energy in your space keeping you away from being more devoted
attract new people into church, classes, ministers program, Ishi hypnosis
do not expect anything in return for good deeds, be overjoyed if you do get a pat on the back
kiss leaderships butt and those related to them
help reign members in if they are wavering
marry only SRF members or an outsider if you can get them devoted to leadership as well
ground, run energy, blow roses, trance as much as you possibly can
have the church, leadership as number one priority in your life, even about family friends or morals, I think even over God's laws
Do not question their authority - it was worth mentioning again

Being Led To The Edge

2009-02-09T01:27:00.000-08:00

When coming out of the cult, the Spiritual Rights Foundation, it was hard to trust. even those who had left before me, I felt anxious to see. I did not see former members right away. I started with the ones I knew the most and then, each time, as I grew more amazed and clear headed that these were good people, I grew braver.

History changes inside of the Spiritual Rights Foundation, lies are fabricated, omissions deleted, even some people are erased from the groups memories. Those that leave the cult are usually demonized if they speak out and especially if they are "prospering".

The people at my former cult are jealous and manipulative. they could be eating dog shit and call it caviar and all the time talk about someone who actually has a life as suffering and going to hell. It is amazing to me. No matter what, the leadership always tells it's congregation that things are better than ever. Yeah, sure.

Religion, Spirituality is twisted and torn apart at the Spiritual Rights Foundation by its Bishop and board of directors. Jesus's words are distorted to lead blind calf's to the edge of a cliff.

Ungrateful bigots, losers, perverts, and killers are those calf's that wake up and run in the opposite direction while the others fall to their death.

How does one recover from such spiritual abuse. One day at a time. One day at a time.

It is no surprise

2009-02-09T01:13:00.000-08:00

It is no surprise you come at me
with fists blazing and voice in condemnation

There is no surprise in you tactics
your vile
your tampered insides

Nothing is sudden
it takes years, often to live again
but you profess I become remade in a day
and a night
how generous of you
how delightful your claws must feel when you dig in

I can laugh at this
if not for you
If not for you whom I care and long to mend

There are to many nights I have wondered
have felt ashamed at leaving you
of taking the blame
that was not mine to take

You wind up for the throw
a ball in your hand
you think you are David
and that I am galiath
You are the Saint
I am the Demon
It makes me wonder what world you live on

I take up the bat
then I throw it down
do I play your game
or do I play mine

then, there is the other option
that to walk away
but what good would that do
wouldent I just upset the teams
after all it is part of the seasons end

I spit out the heartache and pick up the bat
It is not a home run I need
only to be on the right team
and give it all I got

Way To Go - Poem

2009-02-09T01:08:00.000-08:00

I met a man on the way to temple
praying with his hands in the dirt

He coughed and drew out a hanky
and blew his big red nose

There is no surprise that he was shaking
beaten down
and trodden on

He knew the meaning of pain
knew the face of death
yet he still had sights on heaven

Way to go Man.

Confessions Feb. 7, 2009

2009-02-07T06:34:00.001-08:00

Confession: These last weeks I have lost sight of one of the biggest reasons for doing this blog.

There has been so much activity due to the blog and by the cults reaction to it, by not so constructive comments, that I got sweeped away by trying to make my case about certain facts, opinions, ext.

In part, I wanted this blog to be like a personal journal about my life, in specific, as being a survivor of an extremely toxic cult. I hoped that this would not only help me by getting some things off my chest and reaching out to the world but would also help other people in similar situations.

I have received some comments that have berated my writing style, speaking ability, weight, ext. It stung for a little while but not anymore. That is what is to be expected of people defending the Spiritual Rights Foundation, it is what they are taught to do. And I expect many more to come.

I do not claim to be a superb writer or anything. I just want to tell my story and the story of the many people that have belonged to the Spiritual Rights Foundation.

I love and admire my husbands writing style, I secretly wish I could write like him sometimes but then I would not be me. It is so great that we can finally share with each other our pain, disillusionment's, experiences of the past; for the future, hope and a growing love.

Ok, I am getting mushy, I can't help it, Valentines is coming up.

I am making a promise to myself today to write more about my own process of healing from a toxic cult.

And as always, feel free to share your stories here as well whether it be anonymously or by name. It does not matter.

As one commenter says, love and light for all reading this blog. Wink, Wink.

ISHI Hypnosis YouTube Video Comment Scam

2009-02-03T21:52:00.000-08:00

So if you want to see the propaganda of the Cult Ishi Hypnosis you can visit their YouTube channel iseearose .

I left several comments on there several months ago and the moderator otherwise known as the woman at the well took off my comments first thing in the morning after she got up. they are very quick to make sure no one gets to share there own opinions about the place. This one incident was the tipping point for me and that morning I began my blog, My life at the Spiritual Rights Foundation.

The Spiritual Rights Foundation, its leaders which consequently is the leaders of Ishi Hypnosis do not believe in free speech, only when it comes to their rights but in almost every case they have tried to shut down other people's rights including Amazon and I think Google or some other search engine because they allowed cult experts sites that have SRF on their list of dangerous cults to come up next to their fairyland website of spirituality and goodness to all. Talk about showing your true colors.

So the Spiritual Rights Foundation has some videos on YouTube for over a year and consequently they only have about 3 comments on them each. Two out of 3 of thesse comments come from the leadership of Spiritual Rights Foundation and their devoted members. But of course they are not very honest in how they portray themselves. For example.

ISHI School of Hypnosis - World Hypnotism Day http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Emj4qAjUvdo

guynormas (9 months ago) -1 Marked as spam
Great Clip, Debi knows her stuff you can only learn from this Lady.Guy Normasaka Hypno Elvis

Prospermenow (1 year ago)
I love this clip as it validates what I know about what hypnotherapy can do and what I've experienced. The school of ISHI and hypnotherapy has helped me overcome my fear of bees and improve my quality of life in many areas. All of the cerified hypnotherapists are excellent facilitators! (I know who prospermenow is, she is a current minister of the Spiritual Rights Foundation. She is one of those certified hypnotherapists that are so excellent and she is devoted to Rev. Angela Silva.)

leofire12 (1 year ago)
I've been looking for a school for hypnosis in the bay area.I think I will check it out. I want to change career's and become a hypnotist myself. (Leofire12 is no other than Rev. Angela Silva, president of the Spiritual Rights Foundation, partner of Rev. Bill Duby, former Director of the Academy for Psychic Studies, one of the founders of the Spiritual Rights Foundation and one of the first certified teachers of ISHI Hypnosis along with Debi Livingston- Boushey. In this comment it is a total sales ad but she is trying to make it sound like she has been looking for a school in hypnosis in the bay area - that is strange, afterall you helped create that very school. I want to change career's and become a hypnotist - Now this whole statement is what I would call deceptive and possibly fragulant but I will have to look that one up sometime unless someone else wants to take a crack at it.)

February 2, 2009

2009-02-02T21:48:00.000-08:00

I have started and stopped several posts lately. Allot has gone on in the last week for both Mike and I.

All I can say right now is that SRF leadership is predictable as always.

It is also amazing to know that so many of the members that are still there do not want to be, are afraid, intimidated by the leadership.

Someone made a good point a few days ago that almost everyone who has resigned SRF makes some kind of excuse why they don't want to be there anymore, instead of the real reason of, I can't stand this place or I can't stand the leadership, I hate the leaders, I realized this place is a cult or I realized I am going to rot in here. These are the real reasons most people leave but why doesn't anyone say it.

I can tell you why, FEAR!

FEAR!

FEAR!

FEAR of leadership, fear of peer pressure, fear of retaliation, fear of ostracism, fear of loosing friends, fear of being kicked out of your cult owned apartment, fear of being seen as wicked and evil by all remaining members are all fears that are beat into us to make us be afraid of leaving.

And if we do leave, SRF people want us to FEAR them so we won't say anything damaging (truthful) about our experiences there.

The FEAR and stress we lived under the various leaders of the Spiritual Rights Foundation were and still are horrendous.

Don't let them win, by giving into the fear. Don't let them intimidate you even after you have left the Spiritual Rights Foundation. Don't let them control you anymore.

Do be good to yourself. Do forgive yourself. Do acknowledge the pain and heartache when you can (and it takes time, a long time to go through all the pain). Do seek out help. Do seek out people to talk to about your experience, someone you can trust, be comfortable with. Do take one step at a time and do know that you are not alone.

YOU ARE NOT ALONE

ISHI Hypnosis Institute, Spiritual Rights Foundation ext sent a lawyer after us claiming we dont have 1st Amendment Rights

2009-01-29T12:15:00.000-08:00

Check out my new video blogs in response to even more threats, attacks and bullying by the leaders of the Spiritual Rights Foundations and Ishi Hypnosis.

They are up to their old tricks.

http://www.youtube.com/user/joyfaith7771

In response to more comments from Jan. 15th

2009-01-28T00:04:00.000-08:00

We have had many more comments posted from the Jan. 15 post lateley. here is my response here and you can click on the following link to view the progression of comments to give it context: http://learningtoletgosrf.blogspot.com/2009/01/january-15-from-road.html

Joy Butler said...
Rev. Bill Duby destroyed lives and families. He actually got off on it. He was sadistic by nature and clever enough to hide it from the people he wanted to adore him like the children of the SRF, whom he showered with love and attention while his other hand reamed their parents necks for not doing enough work for him (for free might I add) or a number of other make believe disloyalties.

The Spiritual Rights Foundation and its current leaders Angela Silva, Robin DuMolin and Debbie Livingston Boushey destroyed and destroys lives and families.

When Rev. Bill Duby was alive they sat back and allowed, encouraged and participated in illegal and unethical activity under the ruling of Bill.

Now that he has been dead for more than 6 years the leaders are still ruining lives because they hold firm to a set of ideas, perceptions and teachings that are misguided and twisted by their beloved and mentally ill Rev. Bill Duby.

I hate what this place has done to me, my husband, my friends and my old friends that are still at the Spiritual Rights Foundation.

It is heartbreaking that the destructive and dehumanizing patterns of Rev. Bill Duby continue on in all that he trained including some of the now grown children of the Spiritual Rights Foundation and Ishi Hypnosis.

My heart goes out to the fathers that had to suffer those phone calls of their children saying, “I hate you, I never want to see you again.” My heart goes out equally to the children who were tranced and manipulated by Rev. Bill Duby and their mothers to hate, attack and torture the parent who left the Spiritual Rights Foundation.

I witnessed these child hate training sessions many times. It was wrong, it was wrong, It was wrong. Now 15, 20 years later we are all paying for the sins of Rev. Bill Duby.Still no one can speak of what really happened at the Spiritual Rights Foundation without being banished and put on a Demon list.

Anyone who speaks out is ridiculed, admonished, threatened and bullyed in hopes that they will stop speaking the truth.Isn’t this what a cult does? Control the message, control the congregation with what they think and whom they can be friends with.

To all Anonymous people who are reading and commenting, I understand why you are anonymous and I support you in this decision 100%. It is not important that you announce yourselves. I am glad to hear from you and that you have a place to go and express what you could not and cannot in the presence of the Spiritual Rights Foundation Members. And of course I appreciate your support. Apparently I need support and allot of it since Molly likes to write of me as a bumbling buffoon, ummm, ahhh, well, what I was saying.  Well you know how it goes.

Molly, I don’t hate you in any sense of the word. I hate what was done to you and both your parents and the other children that you grew up with. That is my opinion, my feelings. I understand, believe it or not why you have very different opinions and feelings. Bill treated you very differently than us students and ministers. There is so much that was hidden from you and it seems at least now you have no inclination to investigate to see if any of this is true or not.

You are focused on insulting me, obsessed reading both Mike and my blogs several times a day.

Your pissed off, I get that. I would be to if it was two years ago and I still subscribed to the same beliefs and perceptions I was taught by the people of the Spiritual Rights Foundation.

But I have a greater mission then to please everyone I know. I am tired of that game. I knew when I started doing this I would be cut off from any remaining friends at SRF. That is what cults do. I knew I would make enemies, seems like you see yourself as my enemy now I guess.

My mission is to educate the public of my experiences at the Spiritual Rights Foundation and it’s schools, The Academy for Psychic Studies and ISHI Hypnosis so that they can make a more informed decision if they want to participate in what I and many others consider a severely toxic cult/organization.

I do not want others to get their heads mest up like me or most of the other people that spent time there. When I joined the Academy, I had no way of knowing what I was really getting into. I feel it my responsibility to inform, educate and answer questions by the public. I also feel a need to provide support and compassion to all those that have been through these horrendous experiences at the hands of the leadership of the Spiritual Rights Foundation.

Molly I do have one thing to thank you for. You have helped me be stronger, redefine my mission and what I am doing this for. You have helped give me clarity and a much needed introspection of my purpose and beliefs.

Molly we are standing on opposite sides of a great wide river. I will always wish you happiness and love on your journey in this life no matter if you would secretly wish me to drown. I have been on your side of the river, I have played with you and your friends. I have adored your Godmother and Godfather, have sacrificed most of my personal needs for the needs of them and what they thought as important.

I have been on your side of the river, disgusted and amazed at why anyone would complain of their treatment at SRF.

I had been on your side of the river to long and was ready to drown myself because of the pain and frustration I felt in that community.

I had to swim to the other side, it took a long time, all the while with arrows being shot at me. Now that I am on the other side you and others fling grenades at me. I did not expect anything different. How could I. I know SRF and its members frontwards and backwards, I was one of them for over 14 years.

And this knowlege is why I can fight now.
January 27, 2009 11:54 PM

Spirtual Rights Foundation, ISHI Hypnosis. Poor Judgment?

2009-01-21T01:08:00.000-08:00

The best story is your own story.

How did I get sucked in to the cult the Spiritual Rights Foundation and its affiliate schools ISHI hypnosis (Spiritual Hypnosis) and the Academy for Psychic Studies located in Berkeley, CA?

Bear with me this is a long story of my experience but a goody.

In previous posts I described my first encounter with the Ministers of the Spiritual Rights Foundation when my sister took my brother and I to a Psychic Jamboree for my 15th Birthday offered at their parish which, at the time was in Santa Clara, CA. She knew I was into palmistry and numerology and thought I would get a kick out of getting a psychic reading. It was just fun to me and I enjoyed my 15 minute past life reading.

After we got our reading the Minister in charge kept us there for another twenty minutes trying to convince us that their classes and techniques can change our lives. Never mind that all of us except for my sister Becky were underage at the time. Being raised to be polite we listened. I wasn’t really listening, I was just thinking about my Birthday dinner and presents I had to get to.

We finally were able to get out of there. I had no intention of ever coming back, neither did my sister. About 4 or 5 months later I found out that my brother was taking classes at the Academy for Psychic Studies. I may get back to some good stories from that time frame but back to the story I wanted to tell.

So my brother became increasingly interested in the occult because of his classes taken at the Academy for Psychic Studies, vigorously reading book of various philosophies and getting a Guru. Through the Academy for Psychic Studies he learned about hypnosis and also became interested in that.

He got a book from the Library that was about hypnosis and wanted to try it out. I am not sure if he tried it on himself first but he asked me if I wanted to try hypnosis. I agreed and so we went down to the basement so our parents could not see because they would not approve. He had me lie down on the concrete with a few blankets between me and the cold floor. It was the middle of winter in 1995 and very cold. I asked for a blanket and then settled down.
I did not know anything about hypnosis except that people used pendulums in the movies and people were made to do silly things.

My brother picked out an exercise in the book to help me regress to past lives which he was interested in. So he began talking in a soft relaxing voice, in a tone I later recognized from the teachers of the ISHI Hypnosis program.

He led me through a progressive relaxation exercise for about 10 or 15 minutes, where I walked down a path into the woods. Then I was told to walk down a set of stairs, down, down, down, counting the numbers down. Soon I was very relaxed, my body felt completely still and heavy. I believe even then with my brother trancing me I was in a very deep state of trance (altered consciousness).

He then led me through an exercise to regress to a past life. He told me things like, you are now going back in time, you are now going to see a different place, a different time and different me! Well I followed those directions and since I have always been a very visual person it was easy for my imagination to come alive or who knows maybe I did regress.

I saw myself as a young very thin Filipino man with one of those straw hats they were when working in the fields to keep the sun off. Yes I was in the Philippines and in the middle of some sort of civil war. There was allot going on around me and I saw many wounded men just like in that movie I saw about the Vietnam War. Can’t think of the name right now but I don’t know maybe I was just replaying a scene from the movie in my head? Who knows.

So during this altered state of consciousness I began to get really cold, I mean really cold but I was not aware of my body very much other then I was shaking at first. This lasted for about 10 minutes or more. I began talking with clattering teeth. Either my brother woke me up out of the trance or I just came out, either way I was terribly frightened. I could not stop shaking and I was freezing cold and my teeth would not stop rattling and I felt stiff. I was having a hard time talking as I began slurring my words.

Both my brother and I were freaking out, I would not get warm enough. My brother helped me upstairs because I was having a hard time walking, ever so quietly because we did not want to wake our parents up. I was shaking all over for hours it seemed like, my brother trying to figure out what happened, apologizing and trying to figure out what to do. I finally left him and went to my bed to try to warm up. This was an hour into it or so and I actually had a fear I would never stop shaking and would die. Of course this is an adolescent thinking, well two. And being an adolescent, who had temporarily lost partial control of her body, I was frightened out of my mind.

I finally decided to move my legs about like riding a bike. Have no idea why I did that but it seemed to work. I also used some visualization exercises that my brother taught me that he had learned from the Academy for Psychic Studies which was to visualize a warm golden white light like a sun. Finally I was back to a regular temperature, in my blankets on my bed, exhausted. It was about 3 a.m. My brother was relieved I was ok but freaked out feeling like he had drastically compromised me in some way. He pledged to me that he would call first thing in the morning at the Academy for Psychic Studies and ask them what to do.

Now, calling the hospital or telling my parents was an option we discussed but of course decided not to do because we thought we would get in trouble.

My brother waited for me to wake up before he called the Academy for Psychic Studies. The telephone automatically transferred the call to the Spiritual Rights Foundation since it was Sunday mourning. My brother talked to one of the ministers, started explaining the situation and then that minister went to get a higher level minister to talk with us. So what was the diagnosis?

Get this: Of course they told my brother should not be trancing me, they should since they are trained at it. This minister gave us a psychic reading on the phone of what happened. Apparently the first problem is that we did the hypnosis near were my brother meditated. His Guru’s energy was there. Are you following me? So this minister said when we trance or meditate we open ourselves up to energy, and we need to trance or meditate in a controlled environment like the Academy for Psychic Studies, or school for ISHI Hypnosis. Therefore I was in a very receptive and vulnerable state in an ungrounded environment were a Guru would visit and poses my brothers body, SO THE GURU TOOK THE OPPORTUNITY TO TRY TO POSSES MY BODY and I was in great danger!!!

Talk about feeding the fear of two very frightened and naïve teenagers.

Wow what a diagnosis, oh I mean READING on the situation by a master psychic of the Spiritual Rights foundations. In the manner that I came to know and adopt as a general policy of the Spiritual Rights Foundation, they did not ask many questions and did not analyze the situation since analyzing is deemed a negative thing in most cases except to do a job. They just read the energy which only takes a few seconds to come up with an outrageous (sorry I mean spiritually enlightened) explanation based on the philosophies of their dear founder Rev. Bill Duby, who is supposed to be as taught and believed by most if not all of the current ministers of the Spiritual Rights Foundations and her schools, next to Jesus Christ with privileged knowledge of this world and the spiritual planes.

They did not even take into account that it was in the middle of winter and perhaps these possibilities that I have come up with in retrospection as any rational and professional if not just grown up would figure into the cause of my shaking and chattering:

I believe I was experiencing Hypothermia. Here is some information I just pulled off of the Free Health Encyclopedia, http://www.faqs.org/health/Sick-V2/Hypothermia.html

Hypothermia (pronounced hi-po-ther-mee-ah) occurs when the body temperature falls below 95°F (35°C). The condition is often fatal.
Hypothermia also occurs in more moderate climates during cold weather.
The signs and symptoms of hypothermia follow a typical course. Though the body temperature at which they occur vary from person to person depending on age, health, and other factors.
Some of the first signs of hypothermia may be lack of coordination, cold and pale skin, and intense shivering. As body temperature begins to fall, speech becomes slurred, muscles go rigid, vision problems develop, and the patient becomes disoriented. At body temperatures below 90°F (32°C), heart rate, respiratory (breathing) rate, and blood pressure fall. Eventually the patient loses consciousness and may appear to be dead. At even very low temperatures, however, a person may survive for several hours. They can sometimes be successfully revived.

Looking back on it and having gone through the ISHI Hypnosis Certification Course I also wonder why it did not occur to this person that my body temperature had lowered because that is what happens with some clients when they go into a hypnotic trance. At least that is what I was told by Debi Livingston- Boushey, director of ISHI Hypnosis when I took the course from her several years later.

So either this minister was not properly trained at the school or the Spiritual Hypnosis side of the teaching blinded the minister to coming to any rational conclusion.

Ministers Instructions: Come into the school right away, get a healing, or two or three, get guru cleaned out of your space, take classes, learn how to ground because I am so psychic and so sensitive I need to learn how to protect myself from this happening again.

So the love bombing began, representatives from this organizations made out the fact I got to cold out to be I am being possessed by a powerful spirit and I needed their help right away. I was in fear for my life, I was only 15 years old.

And in subsequent weeks of going to the school they soon had me believing me I had to have “this” teaching or I would not be safe in the world.

So yes, I strongly question the judgment of the people (ministers-now they try to hid their title of Rev. to appeal to the public so they can get more business, never mind their devotion to their convocation) of the Spiritual Rights Foundation Cult and its subsequent schools the Academy for Psychic Studies and ISHI Hypnosis.

Threats, attacks, bullying

2009-01-20T13:52:00.000-08:00

So many people from the Spirtual Rights Foundation Cult has recently came out of their barred gates and shadows to bully, make threats and attacks on my husband and I. I am deleting one comment from my blog by rosebudmaid who is the epitome of SRF think.

FYI : The following message was just posted by me on my youtube site.

To all my subscribers and channel viewers. I have received some threatening comments from my youtube and blog from some disgruntled members or affiliates of the Spiritual Rights Foundation. I felt in fear of my personal safety and decided to stop the flaming remarks in hopes of diffusing the mounting bashing and threats. I have deleted all comments that have yet been posted on this channel to be democratic and from now on I will approve all comments.

I have blocked several people from making comments for various reasons including inciting and flaming. If those viewers would like to be unblocked I would appreciate an email containing; an agreement to make no threats to my husband or I or any ex-SRF’s or current SRF’r and to please only address topics pertaining to content in video, personal experience and facts that can be instantiated. Thank you all.

By the way

2009-01-18T22:22:00.000-08:00

So I see that there is some heated conversation going on in response to my Jan. 15th post and all my vlogs.

I am glad that there is a place like this blog where people from all sides of the isle can express themselves freely. That is what my husband and my blogs are all about. It is a good feeling knowing that we Srf''rs and ex-Srf's have a place to go to let it out because we surely could not and still cannot under the leadership of the Spiritual Rights Foundation.

Keep it up you guys.

Oh and I don't feel compelled to respond to certain comments that is just making character assassinations on me and my husband. I certainly read every comment and understand some of the rage of the great defenders of SRF, Bill Duby, Debi Livingston- Boushey and whatever else. Afterall a couple of years ago I would be on your side.

Sunday Jan. 18 Back from the road.

2009-01-18T21:52:00.000-08:00

Well we are back from our little trip and I feel very refreshed. Mike and I got back in time to see our San Jose Stealth Lacrosse team win an amazing game.

On the way back and for a while I have been thinking allot of an older post I did on dreams and astral travel. I do not entirely disregard the notion that people have psychic experiences. I have experienced some things that I believe were real.

Certainly most of the psychic phenomenon that goes on at the Spiritual Rights Foundation is not real but fabricated stories and fantasies by some very confounded and psychologically dizzied people.

I believe that some people do have real gifts, but this is rare and it is not so outlandish as claimed by the Spiritual Rights Foundation and other Psychic schools. Certainly, any place that teaches that you can learn how to READ energy in just one hour and become a master psychic in a few months is not only lying to you but is stealing from you your hard earned money.

As one of my friends say beware, be very aware...

Fri. January 16 From the road

2009-01-16T00:27:00.000-08:00

I feel I am in a very interesting position. I have had a unique experience that few could really relate to. Being a member in a cult is living in a community that makes rules, values and morals of their own that often contradict society's.

Being in a cult and living there almost half of your life makes life confusing.

Getting out of a cult, especially after being there for many years under intense control is a culture shock.

For me, after I finally decided to leave and never turn back, I was reunited with the rest of the world. I found people were kind and loving. People gave to me without strings attached.

In the cult, the Spiritual Life Foundation, there are always strings attached and you have to pay for everything except free heeling's that is the candy to get you addicted.

People are kind to you in the cult only if your allegiance are strictly to them and the teachings. You must be totally devoted and give up everything for the needs of the leaders as a price of spiritual freedom. If you waiver in your money, time or energy at this cult, people easily turn away from you and shun you till you are either eventually freaked out of your mind of the supposed evil inside you that you submit all your will to the organization and it's leaders or you leave as I did.

There is a high price to pay for either of these choices. To stay means you live in virtual, unending poverty. You have no hope of buying a home and keeping it for more than a few years because they, the leaders like Angela Silva will come up with some scheme to take it away from you - for your own good of course.

To stay means you give up your freedom as a human being and as a spirit - funny they call it the Spiritual Rights Foundation.

To stay means you are always looking for acceptance and validation by people who are so fractured in their personality that they are utterly emotionally vacant.

To stay means to live among those that never had empathy or to strive to be one without true empathy - to be neutral is there way of saying that, it is your problem so deal with it

To leave is hard.

To leave takes courage, fortitude, immense will to leave your "spiritual family"

To leave means you will be leaving your "friends", mentors, pastor, bishop, teachers your life of the last so many years.

To leave a cult means you must start almost entirely from scratch.

To leave is an opportunity to face your life, your experiences, but not a guarantee that you will get through it.

I have seen and know some people who have left the Spiritual Rights Foundation and who are still in denial, who does not want to face what they went through.

It is hard.

And reminders are all around you of the cult. A word can trigger you, a phrase can pierce you like a knife, a smell may bring you back to the confines of your youth.

We all deal with trauma differently. Some run away, some deal with it and move on, some fight and some decide to go back and beg for their old cult life back.

It is difficult to explain to people who have not gone through what I or many other ex-cult members have gone through. There is no guarantee in anything, just the fight to regain your humanity and a life that has been interrupted.

This blog, my You Tube video's are my fight to reclaim myself and my dignity as a human being. Who denies me this fight? What gives you the right to judge how I should fight and what I need to do to heal?

I do not desire to hurt a particular person, but my blog and vlog may be offensive to Spiritual Rights Foundation members and those that are still under their control. I pity you. I only speak the truth and I know it is hurtful to you. What do you expect me to do? Shut up and live my life like nothing went wrong. Sorry, I can't do that. But I do pray you find peace and a way to break free as I have. In the meantime I know I have made you my enemy - unintentionally of course.

I do what I must do for myself and those that I love and that includes many of you whom I have left for my own health and survival. I pray that I will be united with my friends, but that is a a prayer I do not expect to come to pass at least in this life time. But I will still pray. I have not lost my ability to believe in miracles.

God loves all of us.

January 15 from the road

2009-01-15T21:16:00.000-08:00

On the road still coming back from our visit with Steve Sanchez. We had a wonderful visit. It was absolutely warming to see him again after so many years. He was as I remembered him, friendly, corgile, active and earnest. It is amazing how he was able to pick himself up after all that had happened to him, remarry a wonderful woman and start a new family. An inspiration to us all.

We talked about many things, some of which I will not discuss right now. However I was able to to ask him some questions about his book. He described some of the process of writing it. He tried to place himself in the past and then write in present tense. Capturing his awareness and thoughts at the time was challenging but he felt gave the book an interesting perspective as he told his story.

He wrote his book as a way of reclaiming his experiences and embracing that part of himself and his life. I appreciated this as this resonates with me as to why I am writing on my blog. To write and finally be able to expose the lies and suppression's of the leaders and members of the Spiritual Rights Foundation is a freeing and healing experience. It is hard for many people to understand why we do this, what compels us to put ourselves out there to face criticism and possible threats. It is because we are breaking the cycle of deceit, abuse and mind control. I went through 14 years of intense reprogramming at the Spiritual Rights Foundation and ISHI Hypnosis. It is about time I speak up for me and the rest of the victims that have passed through the spiritual perversion that is Bill Duby, Angela Silva, Robin DuMolin and Debi Livingston-Boushey.

On The Road Jan. 12 to visit Steve Sanchez

2009-01-12T18:12:00.000-08:00

My husband Mike and I are on the road right now to visit Steve Sanchez, the author of Spiritual Perversion, his autobiography of his experiences at the Spiritual Rights Foundation. It is very exciting that we will see him. He was certainly demonized at the church for exposing the cult as it is, especially the leaders; Bill Duby, Angela Silva, Robin DuMolin and Debbie Livingston Bouchey.

It is freeing to talk to him on the phone and to be on our way to see him. We, everyone at the Spiritual Rights Foundation ARE discourages to even talk of him let alone see him. We were lied to about the details of his dethronement from grace and if anyone saw him in a restaurant they would put their head down and walk right out. At least most of the members would do this. Ostracism - a horrible form of control I would have to say.

But we do not need to be afraid of him anymore, we have got our minds and hearts back from the abyss that is the Spiritual Rights Foundation.

More later from the road.

If I were you what would I say - but I can't help but interupt

2009-01-10T02:44:00.000-08:00

If I were you what would I say

go the low road

you'll get there faster

tell them what they want them to hear

burn your paintings

and forget your children

they are already turned from you

and the venom will only spread

If I were you what would I say

be neutral

and amused

find amusement

come up to goal

and be grateful

that I am you savior

wait, what did you say?

if I were you

what did you do

burn children or just their toys

oh sorry I am confused

sometimes I think you could have said almost anything

that I could have gone almost anywhere

but wait this is about you, not me

how rude

go on

I'm listening

I am strong

don't wait

you wait

again I am sorry, your turn

it's that little devil on my shoulder

that reminds me

your conscious is your little angel on your shoulder

your inner voice

then at some point is your transmediumship

oh god, do you mean that transmedium shit

what is it for

one is from your mother and father

the other from your spirit

double means your crazy and fucked up like Sandy

why do you have to bring her into this

why do you every bring someone into it

can you just focus on yourself for once

what will it take

you all are brought here for me to read

for a healing

for realization

for mentoring

and bonding

Did you mention the for life part

oh yeah

you have to leave that part out

at least till the honeymoons over

I am the only person who loves you in this whole world

I am the only person you can trust

I can see through you

I have ex-ray vision

ask Angela

she can tell you

and we levitated to

she can tell you that to

is that before or after you raped her daughter

rumor or fact?

how does one levitate

that would be great in my next video

I am the only one who will speak truth to you

no one else has the balls

but I do

I have the balls

I do have the balls

Ok, I got that.

Soooooo

I do all the work around here

I don't ask much from you

just give me your time, money and energy and I can transform you

I can, I mean he can give you the kind of life you always wanted

just tithe and you will have overflowing abundance

Over abundance of something alright.

Munching 1_10_09

2009-01-10T02:20:00.001-08:00

what a peaceful night
insignificant at best

i pour out my soul to you
you gobble it up
and throw it in the fire

i scream
i beseech you
to kill me
for my misery to end

not for me
not from you
you love to dangle me
like a cat with a mouse
barely alive
but still kicking
you play with me?

what games have you in store
what wisdom will you bestow. i wait on your every word
every morsel better then the last

i am insignificant
a piece of sand
but wait
isn't sand...
what did you say before
about sand...
oh I forgot

you make me forget
sly as you are
for remembering is harmful to your castle

but for me it looks like a prison
but i will not tell you this
nor can i not

NOT is another
one of those words
that cannot be said
not is surrender
not is a lie
anything is possible
with me in your arms

oops look i am bleeding
my hands are cut
my stomach torn open.
how many thousand of miles are those intestines again if pulled out...
or are they inches
i don't remember

i don't remember allot these days
isn't that lucky for you
it pains me to please you so much
even in death

what is it that you taught me
to lie and to cheat
is that the love of Christ or just some street hustler trying to find his next fix
oh, no, I am sorry
the fix is for your wife is it not
no thats right
she's not your wife but your wench - that is two of them i'snt it?

i wished i was an actress
singer
dancer
my childhood fantasy's
you did not take those from me
i never had a chance

but what did you take?
i forgot...
isn't that lucky for you
so convenient and safe
i like to see you resting there, peaceful and angelic
a million roses to protect you
a million angeles to protect you
or are they there to protect you from us...

did I say something
I am sorry, I forgot.

January 8, 2009

2009-01-08T09:26:00.000-08:00

I have not written anything in a while. Well I did take a break because I was sick and tired. Also there has been a reader that made some comments that thought my husband and I needed to just get over it. Obviously she must not understand what we went through at the Spiritual Rights Foundation. All the same her comments reminded me so much of the whole vibe of the Spiritual Rights Foundation; don't complain about leadership, ignore uncomfortable feelings by putting it in a rose and grounding, don't trust yourself - trust what a reader or teacher has to say more because they can see you better, don't be open to people outside of the Spiritual Rights Foundation. Pretend you are peaceful, spiritual and can laugh anything off even if something is eating you inside.

Yeah, I really don't want to operate by those rules any longer. They don't work. It's not healthy. But they still affect me and it is hard for me to go on even if I know something is false.

I have been trying to focus on creating some you tube video's to put some information out there about the Spiritual Rights Foundation and it's two schools, Ishi Hypnosis International and Academy for Psychic Studies. I think it is important for anyone who is searching for a school like this that they know differing opinions.

I also know something about myself and that is I go in waves of being very open and then I close up easily with any admonition or criticism.

It is not my intention with these blogs to harm any of the followers of the Spiritual Rights Foundation. I am aware that the blogs could and hopefully will create a hole in the pockets of the leadership of the Spiritual Rights Foundation. And that I most certainly don't feel bad about. The leaders have gotten a free ride off of the backs of their congregation and it is not beyond reproach.

That is my belief and maybe not some of the readers, but hey, this is my blog and if you don't like what I have to say you certainly don't have to read it. But if you want to keep an open mind about things and come to accept that I need to heal in my own way at my own time then I welcome you.

Heart Failure Guilt - Spiritual Rights Foundation

2009-01-02T14:48:00.000-08:00

Well I have a cold. My throat is scratchy, tired and my brain is a little fuzzy. No wonder, last night, when I was making some more You Tube video's I was a bit unorganized. And I really have to get one of them off of there because I sound like I am drunk at certain parts. Well I don't know if it is that bad.

Mike and I were just talking about SRF and how they would treat sick people. Many of you probably know that he had heart failure about 6 or 7 years ago and he almost died in the hospital. I had been trying to get him into the hospital for half a year but noticed something was wrong a year before he was in serious jeopardy of loosing his life.

But living at the Spiritual Rights Foundation, sickness, disease is not something that you want to have. It is a sign of not doing the teaching or if you are in good standing or liked at the time then you are just going through a body growth period and are kicking some family member out of your space.

So Mike was told he was kicking his father out of his space and that is why he had heart failure.

Mike got angry when I would mention that he seemed sick or something was wrong long before he went to the hospital. Why? Well he believed at the time like everyone there that were faithful students of Bill Duby, Angela Silva and Debbie Livingston that what you think creates you life your world. So if you find yourself thinking you are sick, or you think something is wrong then if you get rid of the thoughts through positive thinking or hypnosis (ISHI hypnosis) then you wont be sick. Yeah, I don't think that works in the real world.

So when Mike heard me say, I think something is wrong with your health, he thought I meant there is something wrong with him personally, his way of thinking, his belief system. He got infuriated because in a weird round about way he thought I was either telling him he was not doing the teaching accurately or that I was "mocking up" him being sick.

I don't know about you but I don't think that I am that powerful to create heart failure in someone.

There was a time though, actually for about 5 years that I was stuck with the guilt that I had somehow caused his heart failure and that when he was out of the hospital that I was keeping him from healing because I was "smothering him" by looking after him and checking up on him almost every day.

Well that is what the all wise Rev. Angela Silva would tell me and Mike on many occasions. That I was smothering Mike and am a very powerful female who runs allot of energy and that I should not be around him that much. That I was actual hurting him, not helping him.

Can you imagine being told this when you almost lost the love of your life and now that you got him back you wanted to do anything for him to get him better. For the first 6 months, I did his laundry, I stayed over half the week (that is all I was allowed to stay over per Angela's rules), I cooked, cleaned on occasion, found recipes with low sodium and low fat content ext. And yes I did check up on him as much as I could, for the first few month he could barely walk or do anything. But I was being told that by me being around so much I was keeping him weak. Can you believe that! I am so angry right now I can't even tell you. So I was made to feel guilty by doing what I knew I had to do for Mike. And I carried that guilt with me for years believing that I somehow hurt him because that is what I was being told. When I finally started seeing a counselor several years ago I finally was able to see that I was not the cause of Mike's illness and I did not need to be guilty anymore.

Oh yeah there was a time when Rev. Angela Silva, one of the wives of Rev. Bill Duby told Mike not to let me stay over except mayby one night. I fought Mike about this all the time and he would give in eventually. What a strange bizarre place the Spiritual Rights's Foundation is when a person like Rev. Angela Silva will tell a grown man that he is not allowed to have his girlfriend over more than one night a week.

I never followed this advise. I tried but could not. I wanted so badly to make sure he had someone there with him. And for my actions I was looked down upon for being what they thought as rebellious, selfish, needy and down right destructive. I felt ashamed because people shamed me but I had to do it, how could I leave my husband to be alone to rot in that prison on 3260 California Street where he lived in one of those infamous motor homes.

New Video posted Ishihypnosis_Cult Series 1.2

2009-01-01T10:23:00.000-08:00

Just posted a new video on my you tube channel. You can check it out by clicking on the following Url, Ishihypnosis_Cult Series1.2:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_eXyXyqARuA

In this video I read an excerpt from Steve Sanchez's book, Spiritual Perversion where Bill interferes in Debbie Livingston and Harpreet's relationship by abusing, using racist comments and embarrassing them in front of congregation. This was a common occurrence when Bill was around.

I also talk about how Bill Duby perversely used hypnosis to control and manipulate woman by giving them the "light". This was done often to Debbie Livingston, she was constantly given suggestions in trance and out of trance that she loved Bill Duby unconditionally as if he were Christ himself and that she would be totally devoted to him and obey him.

So I just ask you this, Do you think it is a good idea for someone like Debbie Livingston CHI to be hypnotising and teaching people. Her mind has been so manipulated and twisted you have no idea. She appears totally normal, friendly and charismatic. She is a pretty good teacher I admit but she is still in the Bill Duby trance and holds many beliefs that are so asinine that it would make you run away if you really knew what was in that head of hers.

Love Bug of SRF

2008-12-30T23:14:00.000-08:00

Someone from SRF visited my site and may have been a little confused on how to leave a comment. They, well she left her name - Lizanne. I remember you and have many fond memories of you, after all we did live together and were in the same year class together. I hope life is treating you well. It must be so strange for you to see me turning to the "dark side", loosing the teaching ext.. I hope you can find it in your heart sometime to not think ill of me, I see things differently and experienced more spiritual abuse there the you could imagine. Remember I was there for 14 years, you a few and then off and on. People were really careful to be on their best behavior with you because they did not want to "blow you out". You know what I mean.

So if you ever come back if you want to leave any comments in the future just scroll down to the end of any blog entry and click on the comment link. This blog is a forum for all opinions and I will do my best to address them in a respectful way.

In a round about way I was able to round up some of what you attempted to write but you can't write comments in the search function my dear. No bother. Here it is:

I will never turn against you SRF love Lizanne, Even

Forever Loyal To Your Love And Your Memory SRF Love Lizanne

Born Free to Follow My Heart

Born Free At SRF

International Communities ....Suck They are In With God

Wanna keep the luv

Snowball of love

Love you guys at SRF

Love bug

Answers for Anonymous about coersion and community

2008-12-30T17:14:00.000-08:00

Anonymous said...
Hello!Two different perspectives from 2 different people. I actually had a positive experience while at the academy for psychic studies. I had a reading which I liked, took one beginning class and left there feeling better about myself. I did go to one church service and have listened to others on the internet. The theme is always about giving, but the funny thing about this is they are suppose to help the community! They are a church and churches always have some kind of event that help raise money for some social and religious causes. I have read very bad things about the SRF people. Can all of them be really that bad? Did they ever give back to the community without holding out there hand for a donation with the other? What kind of community outreach programs do they aspire to? Does and or did Rev. Robin, Rev. Angela and Rev. Bill ever pull there staff together without the use of coercion?
December 30, 2008 2:52 PM

Hello Anonymous that had a positive experience. Thank you for your comments. I am always open to different perspectives. I believe you did have a very positive experience there. I did as well in the beginning. Ask most people who have taken one class or have gone into healing clinic or received one reading or two and they will probably tell you that they had a good experience as well and felt better for the experience. When I first started attending classes at the Academy for Psychic Studies (Spiritual Rights Foundation) I felt that I had found a spiritual home with caring and supportive people. I went to the San Jose branch which at that time was ran by Steve Sanchez who later left and wrote about his experiences in his book Spiritual Perversion. He was sweet and kind along with the other ministers. They continually showered me with validation and praise for using the techniques. They would often comment how much better I looked, how much I had changed even after such a short time being there. I felt elated for a time. This is what is called love bombing. The cult expert Margaret Thaler Singer wrote about love bombing in her book, Cults In Our Midst. Here is a quote from the book that describes this recruitment process which I found very true of what happened at the Spiritual Rights Foundation:

“Most cults have specific plans for drawing in each recruit… Love bombing is a coordinated effort, usually under the direction of leadership, that involves long-term members flooding recruits and newer members with flattery, verbal seduction, affectionate but usually nonsexual touching, and lots of attention to their every remark…In addition, the newcomer is surrounded by long-term members. Not only are these more experienced members trained to love bomb the potential recruit, but they are on their best behavior, proudly proclaiming the joys of membership, the advantages of the new belief system, and the uniqueness of the leader. Consciously or unconsciously these members always speak and make their presentations in cult jargon…”

They love you and are on their best behavior for sure. After a while when I started going up to Berkeley and started having interactions with Rev. William Duby I began to experience stomach pains, a sense of fear, heart racing and paranoia going into the academy. These experiences were felt by almost everyone there once they start getting more involved and are hooked. I am glad you only went for a short time and did not have to go through what some of us went through.

Now about your question on charity and helping the community. No the Spiritual Rights Foundation in all of its 27 years did little for the community. All the time I was there I remember about 3 times when the church asked members to give money to a charity or used cell phones to men in the military. That was it, oh and one Christmas recently they collected old coats to give to the homeless. But these were only recent occurrences. Now they are trying to do a little more just to improve their image.

But let me make clear that I have never heard or seen the church giving money from tithes or excess to anyone out of the goodness of their hearts. It would always be asked of the congregation for them to just give more. This is scandalous considering that they had many millions extra money in the bank.

So in the 14 years I attended there SRF did little to no community service even though Rev. William Duby would rant and rave that, “You have to give to live.” What he meant by this statement is that you have to give to his church to live. You had to give tithing, pay for classes, buy equipments, give 20+ hours of volunteer work often, give up your family, give up your career, and give up what you wanted so that the church could prosper. I am not exaggerating. This is what we were taught, coerced and suppose to do.

Most people that had been successfully indoctrinated would be giving up about 30% - 40% of their income to the church and then would be bullied into giving more on the whim of Rev. William Duby.

Your last question was about coercion, did Rev. Robin, Rev. Angela and Rev. Bill ever pull there staff together without the use of coercion?

Rarely. And coercion is a tricky thing. One can be coerced by very subtle ways. On occasion staff would do stuff just because they wanted to. Many times Bill would use sex as a means to motivate people to do what he wanted them to do. Ask my husband he can tell you about how he was told by Bill, “I can get you laid”. Bill paired him with a woman there and told him that this woman will sleep with him if she sees him working on their website improving it. Bill then told the woman to not let Mike lay a hand on her and to only be with him under supervision or mainly only be with him as he worked on the web site. That year the SRF website won a prestigious award, I wonder why...not. I unfortunately had the displeasure to be one of the supervisors of those two. It get’s sicker and more sadistic then this but I don’t feel like going into it right now – to painful.

The Coercion that was used had different levels of intensity depending on how advanced you were in the program. The more control Bill knew he had over you the more he would ask of you. But as a new person you would never see any of this, you would have to spend a year or two there and be in the clairvoyant training program to start seeing these things go on.

I hope I shed some light on your question.

If you are interested in coming to one of our get-togethers to hear others stories of perspective, write to me and I will let you know when the next one will be in January.

Thanks and Happy Holiday’s.

Joy

Check out my NEW BLOG FOR ISHI HYPNOSIS CULT

2008-12-29T15:03:00.000-08:00

Well I finally got the new blog started that focuses on ISHI Hypnosis International. You know the school that the cult leader Bill Duby started back in the 1990's that is now trying to present themselves as a professional organization. Little does the public know, nor the NGH (National Guild of Hypnotists) know that ISHI and it's Director, Debi Livingston-Boushey works for and is housed in one of the most notorious cults in Alameda County in California.

http://ishihypnosistruth.blogspot.com/

I have also started a series of video's on you tube in which I talk about my experiences with ISHI Hypnosis, the Spiritual Rights Foundation, Bill Duby and Debi Livingston-Boushey. I will also begin a series of videos where I will read excerpts from Spiritual Perversion which is a book written by Steve Sanchez who is a former member and director of the Spiritual Rights Foundation.

I would love to hear your stories as well, either in writing or film.

2008-12-29T00:06:00.000-08:00

My wonderful Anonymous guy or gale just wrote some more for us. His words are full of anger, admonition and clever inferences about the gluttony of the place and those that run it.

Hey if you ever want to put a voice and face to your stories I would love to film you and put your experiences on you tube and this blog. That is my new thing, like they say at the Academy for Psychic Studies, "A picture is worth a thousand words".

Thank you for your support of our cause and for sharing yourself with us.

I hope peace finds you someday but I know it is a long road and one that I share with you as we travel along on the road of recovering ourselves and self worth.

Love,
Joy

December 26, 2008 8:23 PM
Anonymous said...

I had bad encounters with the very fat Rev. Angela Silva. She seems to be eating her way to the grave these days. She doesn't even bother to show up in the building, and when she does, she is there to dump on people. I believe she is in a psychic panic once again, and wouldn't surprise me if they are systematically driving people out so they can pretend they have to close down shop for lack of support.That is the plan, they are planning to retire soon and live off the millions they liquidate. I'm sure they know their days are numbered and their game only will anger those who were promised a place to retire, and will be left out on the street.

Another blimp squeezed into a male body is Rick Greer, who will drink the cool aid along with Dan "psycho Lyle" Boushey make sure others are forced to drink it as well. I guess those guys are hanger ons hoping to get some of the pie that the fat Rev. Angela Silva and ice bitch/prostitute for money Rev. Robin DuMolin will dole out.

The Bishop puppet Rev. Debbie Livingston I'm sure will be given hush money to hide her secrets of the intentions of Silva and DuMolin scam team.

Robin DuMolin and Angela Silva can't hold a job, yet demand the people who have 40-50 work weeks to donate another 30 hours of there time to answer phones on the bullshit, make it up as you go along psychic help line, do prayer requests, (for a donation), teach classes and get paid only if you don't owe the church anything. Enjoy the money right now, because when you drop the body and have to look at yourselves, you will be in the society of people ordering you around and sucking your soul.

I heard Rev. Robin years ago specifically stayed away from her dying mother in order to give her so called (space) at the time of her death. Can you imagine that? Your mom wants you there and you specifically stay away. I'm sure your daughter who looks like she's turning out just like you will return the favor. She will have already learned to prostitute herself out for money just like you Rev. Robin.

Hey did you know that the fat Rev. Angela Silva was locked up in the Oakland psyche ward 30 years ago? She is the spiritual sage that runs the place. Did you ever hear about the stories of her shoplifting to support herself and drinking and drug habit? I only wish that you return to the life you crawled out from under and lose everything you have in your life right now. How about starting by giving back to the people you have lied to for all 26 1/2 years?

Your god daughter is going to be a gypsy psychic like you've become.

Rev. Debbie is just hoping to hang on long enough so she wouldn't have to look at herself in the mirror and wonder why she's pretending to be a religious bishop. Please Debbie, you need to face the evil emperors and retake your dignity before you go down the road of the dark side. Your husband needs to be sedated for a few years so he doesn't take you with him into the abyss!

Rev.Rick, are you still telling people your fired up about losing weight and getting your diabetes under control, but still weigh 360 lbs and eating greasy, fattening foods that will blow out your organs and make your son fatherless before he turns 18?

Tough love you guys, because you always pounded it into us underlings for years.Time to face the light.........Rev. Bill was a lying, child molester, con artist opportunist who had so much pressure put on him by the negative media, but more importantly Rev. Angela Silva and Rev. Robin who were his common law wives. They help put all that pressure on him the last 5 years of his life. He got what he deserved, and hopefully the pressures of this blog and others who have taken up the mantle will force you through guilt to relinquish the millions you conned people out of, and give it back to them. They are the ones that made that place run and for a time great.

Angela and Robin are a couple of dried up cunts who if dumped out on the street would freak of having to go to work for a living. Quit pretending you are spiritual when you two old hags haven't done the true teaching in over 10 years!

December 22, 2008

2008-12-22T23:09:00.000-08:00

I have been thinking allot of why I did some of the things I did. I can't help but wonder what my life would be like if I never attended the Spiritual Rights Foundation. Would I have gone to college earlier, would I have started dating earlier, gotten married earlier, had children by now? What would I value in life, what carrer path would I have chosen?

I don't know, will never know. So many people like me have gone this way, given a large chunk of there life to a person or organization and then you find out you were lied to and that you were there for the others soul benefit.

Sometimes I feel like I am still living through the restraints of of thinking of the Spiritual Rights Foundation. I know it will take some time to purge my mind of the distorted teachings taught by Rev. Bill Duby who in turn stole almost everything right down to the exact words and phrases by another man, Lewis Bostwick of the Berkeley Psychic Institute.

I think about what some people have said to me about not calling Bill, Rev. Bill. Don't worry I know who he was and that he does not deserve that title. He was a cheat, liar and thief. I know some people will think I should burn in hell for that but what does it matter anymore, they are as blind and in the dark as I once was.

I use Rev. Bill as a reminder to myself of what he tried to pull over everyone's eyes everyday of his later life. Plus if anyone is surfing for a Rev. Bill I hope they come upon my page and have an opportunity to read a dissenting view of the man.

I am rambling a bit. What else? Yes I have made my own share of mistakes in my life that has nothing to do with the Spiritual Rights Foundation. I would have probably made them even if I was not there. I regret many things in my life and feel like I still have allot to change and I am not sure what direction to take. Being at the Spiritual Rights Foundation only complicated matters. I was afraid to let my troubles be known to people there because I had scene so many times how the people there would make it worst and spread what is suppose to be private to everyone. What if I would have been able to seek help sooner for my back, for my relationships, for my depression.

It is a curious thing to look back on life and wonder that old, "What if...?" It really hurts sometimes and then I know I would not be who I am today. As Hero from Heroes shows that one small change can save the world or at least the course of someones life in my case.

All I can do for myself now is continue to learn from my mistakes and seek greater understanding of those who have influenced me in my life for the good and the bad.

Memorium Sandy Caven

2008-12-21T23:41:00.000-08:00

Sandy Caven was one of the directors at the Spiritual Rights Foundation Cult.

She had MS, but all the same Bill, Angela, Robin worked her as hard as her body could take and then racked her over the coals if she complained.

She was a sweet, dear, lovable woman who I took to immediately.

I did not understand at the time why she worked so hard, why she drove from one branch of the school to the other and then back again. I thought as people taught me to think that it was her fault she did so much that she was always in pain. Now I know better the poor woman was being worked to death by the lead "ministers" of the church.

She left the church some time ago, I am not sure when. Maybe 8,9 or 10 years ago. I was sad to here she was gone and don't remember them saying much about it. I was upset when hearing the bishop saying cold, harsh comments about her with her usual smile and happy go lucky attitude that seldom seemed to fit the circumstances.

She died about 4-5 months ago due to her MS. She stayed with her son for a while but then had to move out, don't know all the details.

These picture was taken January 8, 1999. I had her show her beautiful hands. She had such elegant long fingers and she did her own manicure. She always had perfect nails. That was her one luxury. I don't know how she did it since she worked as a house cleaner like half of the woman at the church did so they could be at the beck and call of the leaders to do stuff.

I would spend allot of time with her helping her with the tapes (audio recordings for Health and Wealth). She was so patient and kind to me. I believed that if anyone there could be an angel, she could be.

I feel horrible that she had such a horrible life and she had to suffer such a debilitating disease. I hate the fact that she got beat up at the church when she complained about her pain or wanted understanding that she was tired and maybe was doing to much.

I don't know what her life was like after she left the church. I hope, no I know it must have been better in some way even if her body was deteriorating more and more.

I pray she is resting now and has servants of her own if there is a heaven.

Anonymous said 12-21-08

2008-12-21T23:04:00.000-08:00

I know many secrets at SRF and would be oh to happy to tell everyone who reads this, including those who are on the fence still at the cult.

1. Rev. Bill molested a person who was associated with the church.

2. Rev. Bill took money out of the donation box for his own needs. He would take out all the large bills and leave just the dollar bills in there.

3.When Rev. Bill took his name off all the legal documents regarding the whole corporation including all umbrella companies, he did so to not draw attention from the IRS, and any possible future lawsuit regarding molestation case against him.

4.Rev. Angela and Rev. Bill were lovers then Rev. Bill dropped Rev. Angela full time after she got jealous over Rev. Bill's attention towards Rev. Robin. Rev. Angela went out and got drunk and picked up some stranger in a bar for a night of self destructive behavior. Oh yah, she was on the board of directors of the church. Nice example!

5. Rev. Bill made sure that all properties and assets associated with the church, are to benefit two people and only 2 people....Rev. Angela Silva and Rev. Robin DuMolin. So, if they want to pull the plug at anytime, they would walk away with all the assets. If they sell off the many properties, or liquidate any stock or bonds bought with church monies, they would go to Rev. Angela Silva and Rev. Robin DuMolin. NO ONE ELSE IN THE CHURCH, INCLUDING THOSE WHO ARE NOT ON THE BOARD OF DIRECTORS GETS A DIME! Any student who is going through the training right now or in the future doesn't get a thing. Any current or past minister associated with the church doesn't get a thing if the place goes under. And believe me, many old and new ministers don't know this! Those who do know, are so conditioned to look the other way, because if they spoke up they would get verbally beaten down and isolated.They were told to shut down the place and start again with all new people.

6. The current church bishop basically is a yes man for the two current top leaders, so not to catch the heat from above. Nice....! Piling on is an art form at the cult. If you don't agree or are put into a position not to agree with the agenda, you are isolated and verbally abused in the staff meetings once a week, or at the beginning of each month. But this is called cleansing of the bad negative energy that is in the church. Trying doing an exorcism on yourself first!Its like OJ saying when acquitted for murder, I will look for the real killers.. Yeah on the golf course, in Vegas and the bars you frequent. Try looking in the mirror. The same goes for the negative energy in the church building, try looking in the mirror before you hold a staff meeting to dispense with the made up negative energies you did a reading on...oh clairvoyant one.....What a made up con of cons! No different than the televangelists claiming something bad will happen if you don't cough up some money. Extortion through guilt, emotional blackmail and verbal abuse.

Happy Holidays everyone, and hope you learn from these accurate insights.

ISHI Hypnosis, FAMILIAR WORDS, PHRASES USED AT CULT

2008-12-15T00:34:00.000-08:00

These are some words, phrases that are spoken at the academy for psychic studies, spiritual rights foundation and ISHI (International Spiritual Hypnosis Institute) - all under one roof, taught by the same people. They are located in Berkley, CA. Some of the more extreme phrases are not spoken anymore since our beloved founder William H. Duby (a.k.a Rev. Bill Duby) passed away around this time in 2001. Duby trained intimately all the teachers and readers that are there at the aforementioned schools. He especially trained Debi Livingston, who is the main teacher of ISHI as his protege. I would be leery of anyone who is teaching there even if on the outside they seem nice, professional and helpful.

Buyer beware, you will be taught by someone who has been twisted, manipulated and conditioned to devote their lives to making there leaders comfy, to continue a teaching and a community of abuse and poverty. I am not joking, these words were spoken and many are still spoken there 24/7.

Please leave a comment or email me with other words that aren't on my list. I would love to add them.

you are not the body or emotions
you are in a trance all the time
you will do nothing in trance that you would not be willing to do
In trance I can help you see Jesus
do you want to stay in the trance of this world or be in my trance
I was trancing people before I knew of hypnosis - yes Bill Duby was doing this but really he was well versed in mind control techniques and used him on a
transmediumship
double transmedium
grounding cord
blowing roses
Stay enthused
In trance you can have an orgasm
Don't close your eyes
I have those spirits now! (a heart pounding threat)
female channel
side channels
invalidation - always mentioned, always done
validation - hardly mentioned, hardly done - what a positive place... hugh...
healing guides
spirit guide bracelets - to keep healing guide from taking over to much of your space
women run more energy than men
men are liars
cunts
I can tell you how to get pussy
you have poverty consciousness
I am your only friend
your family is pulling you away from the teaching
your friends are pulling you away from the teaching
GURU - Gee You Are You
You better be afraid of me
I can see those evil spirits in you
whack - negative energy that is thrown at someone
you got whacked
you are whacking me
cosmic cops - they help keep you asleep...spiritually that is, protect you, they are large like a giant, they could attack you in a reading if you are not careful.
spiders - evil alien spirits that need to be cleaned out of your space pronto sent from a man
snakes - dido - sent from a woman
machine
golden suns
be amused
you guys having fun yet?
you are in my space
you are in ________ space
call your energy back
put out protection roses
the things you think are garbage in your space most people think is gold
own your space
own the room
don't move
you are being rebellious
you are not following the teaching
only 2 or was is 1% of the population can have this teaching
God helped you find this place
I mocked you up
Men Lie all the time
You can't trust men.
Mock ups - a distorted form of prayer, another way to earn a couple extra bucks.
Retreat
Trance
healing
I will tear you down
higher being
kindergarten - what the year class is called or the clairvoyant training program
Don't use your analyzer
he/she is so dumb
don't live your father or mothers life - basically stay here and serve me
I have you now
chakra
I mesmerize you don't I. - not a question, more of a statement
men represent cosmic consciousness
you are a male meat grinder - can't remember exact phrase but a real confidence booster
you are a slut
imagine
you are happy, healthy and whole in body, mind and soul.
cosmic energy
earth energy
Be amused
Sympathy is between shit and syphilis in the dictionary
total prosperity
readings
personality
leave your personality at the door or put it in a box
ask your teacher that
half the women in here want to fuck me
None of these men are getting married, look at that looser...
Do you like him
stay away from him/her/them
fair season
don't park your brains at the door
opportunity
freedom is the essence of life - that is their motto
familiar
bring your crown up to gold
you are in your second chakra
don't read from your fourth chakra - (you're heart)
I know you are faking it
Innocent
ball buster
Be neutral
neutrality
You can't hide from me
I can see everything you do
you will pay with your life - he meant it literally, body, sweet and soul. Sounds great sign me up.
The spirits want you to give up
you are so weak
you are a strong woman
you need a man
I will clear you
deprogramming
simple
don't be complicated
You need to have your spiritually be #1
I (or she) will cut of his dick.
What could you not be happy about, you have what most people want right here.

Remember every cult leader knows that they need to hide their real intentions and the abusive behaviour from new people but eventually it will come out as you start "advancing" to the inner circle. That is, if you are unfortunate enough to stay that long.

Again please help by writing me some common words or phrases that you remember.

Ok, tired now.

It was GREAT to see all of you

2008-12-14T23:20:00.000-08:00

This Saturday we had our first official ex-SRF get together at our house. It consisted of people who left along time ago and some recent drop outs.

I think we talked for over six + hours. It was a great space to vent, swap old war stories, learn new information and support each other in our journeys.

I wonder if anyone from the academy could see a dark and evil cloud of invalidation circle around our house like a swirling tornado. Or maybe if anyone reads this that is still there may think to themselves back on this day and come up with some imagined experiences that they knew they were being whacked from someone and now it all makes since why they felt so dark and down that day, or the other one is why their transmedium channels were so open and pulsing. Sorry if you don't know what I am talking about. This is the kind of talk and paranoia that goes on at the academy. It is sometimes fun to think about how they do their thought processes there. I feel relived I don't have to live it anymore.

It really feels like we were all prisoners of war, a spiritual, physical, financial and emotional war. Out captures wanted to live like wardens up in the ivory tower, in total control, setting rules, curfews, creating and destroying relationships to keep the prisoner at war with each other.

It was a real pleasure to see all of you and I hope our next gathering we will have a few more people ... one can only hope.

Keep on keeping it real.
JFBK

December 12, 2008

2008-12-12T12:42:00.000-08:00

It is finally the end of the semester. I have one more final left next Friday. I am so looking forward to the break so I can give my more attention to my husband, the stack of cult recovery and informational books that are piling up on my desk, visiting with family and friends and taking a little road trip in January to visit some old friends.

I made it through this semester without to many mishaps. That was my first and most important goal of my first semester back as a full time student since my little hiatus.

My mind is very scattered because I have allot on my mind trying to process all the new information I have been gathering about the Spiritual Rights Foundation and I don't have a great sleep schedule right now. Sometimes I have problems going to sleep or just past out of exhaustion after my classes. I don't feel depressed - anymore. I am just dealing with allot right now and for the most part I am proud of being able to stay in school.

I think anyone who has left a cult or is contemplating it I just want to say there is hope. I thought I would not have any friends and that everything would fall apart, partly because that is what the cult tries to convince people. Well it is not true. Sure the first four months were tough because I had to leave allot of people that I deeply cared about. I was still confused and felt loyal even though I knew they did not deserve it. I was lonely. Of course you are going to be lonely but it does not last. It has been about 9 months or so since I left the Spiritual Rights Foundation. I am getting my life back together, actually I feel really settled right now. I have a wonderful husband who takes care of me, my family, and new friends. All of these relationships are more fulfilling to me than the 13 years that I attended the Spiritual Rights Foundation.

Why you ask because I am not following a paranoid teaching and teachers that are always telling you to protect yourself from everyone and don't associate with people who do not believe in the teaching. That really limits the amount and types of relationships you can have.

Secrets

2008-12-10T00:07:00.000-08:00

Everyone holds secrets being at the Spiritual Rights Foundation. Whether it is from other members about how they are really feeling about being there or disagreeing with the leadership or not telling your family or friends what you really do at the Spiritual Rights Foundation. There is always some spiritual way to justify hiding what you are really feeling or doing. I am not sure how that logic works since people there are suppose to be great lights onto the worlds and more free and spiritually aware than most people on the earth.

One of the cornerstones in any unhealthy relationship, be it intimate, friends or family is to hold secrets or distort reality so someone doesn't catch onto what you are really doing or feeling. If you are holding secrets in it means one or more of the following:

You don't trust the person or the group.
You are frightened of the person or groups responses, fear of rejections, retaliation, ext.
You will feel embarrassed.
You feel insecure in your relationship, you don't feel it is stable enough to feel safe.
The environment, person, group, family is set up to support the secret and you feel pressure not to go against the rules.

Now if I looked up secrets in a book or online I could probably add allot more to this list but I just want to write from my own experience.

Some secrets are good like not telling your niece what she is getting for Christmas so you don't ruin the surprise or making a promise to someone to keep something in confidence. And of course you don't need to blurt private matters out all of the time, there is a certain level of privacy that every one needs. That is different, healthy reasons for keeping secrets.

But at the Academy For Psychic Studies there are so many secrets. I myself hold some. There are people that have told me that they strongly disagree with the leadership, they feel mistreated, used, ignored. They have told me they could not tell anyone else but me because they are afraid of the backlash. They knew I was already on the way out and disagreed with many things. But I cannot tell those secrets here because I do not want to embarrass people or hurt them. I feel the constriction of these secrets, they tighten across my chest and my mind. It takes allot of work and energy to hold such secrets when you want to yell them all out and let them go. I hope those people will leave one of these days, for one they will be happier and will be able to live their own lives and two, I hope I wont have to hold the secrets in anymore.

I have one secret that bothers me frequently. It is a secret that infuriates me to no end but it would probably do more harm than good to tell it right now, even to describe it may send many people into shocked disbelief and angry triads. At least I can write that Rev. Bill was both sadistic and had so much power over people that he could make someone do something so reprehensible and degrading while family looked on pleased as pie at the great spiritual lesson that they will gleam from that experience for the rest of their lives.

I held a secret of my own that I didn't talk about to anyone for over ten years after an event happened. I was afraid to ask people about something that happened to me under the great influence and wisdom of the Dubster. I finally told my husband this year. I am glad I did, up until that point he still didn't realize the evil and manipulation of Rev. Bill Duby. We have been telling each other many secrets. Our teachers told us not to tell many things to each other. How can you have a healthy relationship at all if you cannot freely talk about your life, what you do and what you are learning.

Now that we don't have to hold secrets with each other we are able to see each other in a more whole and clear light. We can break the bonds of mistrust that we were taught to feel against the opposite sex. We can relate more and be closer.

I understand why Rev. Bill Duby did not want people to be close with each other, he would have a harder time controlling them and manipulating him for his needs and desires. Why would anyone need to take classes continually if they were happy and content with their lives. He had to keep the people coming to classes somehow so he could build his dream.

Autobiography 2_1996, 1997

2008-12-03T22:29:00.000-08:00

I have been debating what to say about this time period. It is a bit of a blur to me really of how I really got to be a student of the Spiritual Rights Foundation. I really had to think back to all the steps it took and the people involved. Truth be told I knew how it happened but it involved some of my family and I am uncomfortable relaying some of the more juicier details plus my brothers and I haven't talked about our involvement in the church for more then 12 years I think, the time since they left the church after only a year or two. I have not yet wanted to crack open that can of worms.

Part of me doesn't want to remember all the steps that brought me to this place through one of my brothers and the churches leaderships systematic mission to pull me apart from my family and the brothers I had come in with. I was shocked when Mike reminded me that he heard often from the teachers and directors of the Academy for Psychic studies that they were making a conscious effort to get me away from my brothers. They said I was being controlled by my brothers and I was more psychic and meant to be in the teaching unlike them I guess. They said my brothers were jealous of my abilities and that I needed to break free from my family and the control they had on me.

I figure they saw my brothers were to hot headed and stubborn to brain wash and control for very long and saw I was so young and naive and an easy target to convert and mold.

My brothers were controlling for sure. They were my big brothers and they thought they knew what was best for me which is not unusual for big brothers or older siblings. We were very close and did almost everything together. We played sports together, walked around for hours when we wanted to get out of the house, we went to the same school, knew all the same people, lived in the same house. We were interdependent on each other, we had been through many hard times during our short life and we relied on each other for support and acceptance. But they did learn from our Dad to be domineering and treat woman with little respect. This was a problem. They did not have a great role model and I bore my role as little sister with uninterrupted contempt for being a girl and being the youngest of nine siblings.

As a reminder of an earlier post one of my older sisters took me and another brother, we will call him Sam to the Academy for Psychic Studies Jamboree for my birthday. My brother and I got a reading and I thought that would be it, a fun experience. I got a past life reading and I went back to being a teenager trying to figure out how to get through high school.

I didn't know at the time that my brother Sam was secretly starting to take classes at the Academy for Psychic Studies. He kept it a secret for over 6 months I think. He got caught up in the love bombing and his already inflatable ego blew up during his short time there. He was doing hard core meditation training there and he had his own guru where he started meditating double time, hours a day, two different forms. He started to go a bit delusional. He thought he was getting direct guidance from a past life and spirits that he was a high being sent here to be a great leader and teach meditation and healing. All the meditation and whatever the people were saying to him at the Academy for Psychic Studies was to much for his fragile mind that was always on the brink of a melt down.

He saw that I was going through some hard times like any 16 year old would be and being my older brother he knew best and wanted to help me. He taught me some of the techniques taught at the Academy without telling me where he was getting the information from. It was like an 18 year old kid playing doctor, not really qualified but you can't tell him that.

I told him I was sleeping over at a friends house in which my friend believed she had poltergeist there. I was a bit afraid of sleeping were there may be poltergeist. I didn't even know if I believed in poltergeist but I sure didn't want to meet any. So my brother convinced me to let him teach me some techniques to help me protect myself and keep me safe. I was reluctant to do this at first but he was persistent and I knew he loved me and wanted to help me so I agreed. That is when I learned how to ground (see a line of energy go from my first chakra to the center of the planet which anchored me in and would allow other energies to pass through and away from me), own my space in a room (visualize four lines of golden energy from my 1st chakra to the lower four corners of the room). I think he may have even how to do a healing on my self. When I did it for the first time I felt really uncomfortable, like I didn't get how this would help me but my brother talked to me for hours explaining how it worked, how it would help. I began to believe him a little bit. And the meditation was relaxing.

I slept over at my best friends house which is the last friend in the real world after I started becoming a student at the Academy for Psychic studies. We talked about the noises and creaks in the house. I told her a little about what my brother taught me about poltergeist and grounding and I told her I was not afraid of these spirits. I felt like a little expert with my new found information and arsenal of techniques I had been practising haphazardly for several weeks.

I felt it, the cold on the floor, rising. It really freaked us out but I was able to stay calm and even tried to talk with the "poltergeist" as Sam said I should do. I think my friend thought I was being a little weird but she found it interesting what I had learned about poltergeist as she was obviously interested in that sort of thing. We were both into mystical things and art. Anyways all went well that night. We had a good time scaring ourselves.

I went back home and reported my experiences to Sam. I started doing heeling's on myself, doing mediation and that is when it got really weird...

Rev. Bill Duby - His legacy

2008-12-02T23:26:00.000-08:00

I was caught between life and death
You knew my weaknesses
your little henchmen carried my story
of family and poverty
then
You feed me on animal skin and cloud cakes

I baked in the sun for hours
you told me to stay there
soon I would be devoured
you told me this was a good thing.
I was so young then
I didn't know any better

You prided yourself on popping my cherry
to the whole congregation
That's a strange thing to say as a minister
Don't you think?

I know it was a metaphor but you knew you had me
faithful servant
desperate girl for a fathers attention
a frightened girl
you used that on me
you knew what you were doing didn't you?

You were so cruel
you made us all fools
there was, is, a time for love and compassion
you promised us all that you would fight for our souls
little did we know you were the soul catcher
the piper
and the monster under the bed.

Where did the children go
Where did you take them?
What vile feast did you conjure up
on little girls hopes
and little boys ambitions

Perhaps you were a dream smasher.

I never thought I loved you enough
Your ample stench consumed me only so much
for some reason I withheld from you
and my punishment was hell

whence did you come?
pounding on the doors
my heart burst apart
my legs leaden by your vipers tongue
I could not escape you
you held me down in your wizards spell
my heart went thumpidy thump

Did you even hear me?

Where was your mind?
Did you intend to hurt me?
Did you intend to enslave or just convert me.
I don't know if there is a difference.
You didn't care did you.

Now religion is lost
I fell not from Grace but from you
you are small now
a distorted form that haunts a part of me
now and again

I can still smell your breath on me
your cologne so menacing
for it means you are coming near
do you know I wished nothing more than to love you
be true to you
give you all the devotion
I did

But you are real now
a man tormented by his own death
You know you caused it
your death.
Those that witnessed said you meant it to happen this way
No
No
Perhaps it was Karma
or your own demons caught up with you
you couldn't keep it together anymore could you?
your lies
your greed
you animal embrace kept everyone apart

you were committed
I know

to what end you knew what you were doing
we shall never know

Do you smile down on the believer's
or are you to busy crying in pain?
have you forgiven the men who left you
who fought you
who rated you out
or do you still demonize them?
even now
as you lay
so far under the cold ground

What did it get you?
What did it get you?
Maybe when I die, I will find you and find out

December 2

2008-12-02T16:16:00.000-08:00

It is almost the end of another semester. I don't feel stressed at all, which is unusual. I feel at peace, like things are finally settling for me.

I can't help but think at the friends that I left behind at the Spiritual Rights Foundation who would never believe that I am truly happy. And if they did it would be something like "Yeah she is happy right where she is at, even if she is in hell, that is her heaven. She gave up her soul, all her information, she couldn't have it, she couldn't own it, the family program took over, she could never be happy with HIM! She is lying, she is in denial, she, she, she...." Isn't that the way it is over there?

Even though I told a friend over there, the good honest truth that I am happy and things are working out in my life finally, she smiles to my face and turns around and doesn't believe a word I said. No one can really trust over at that place. We are taught to think only in certain ways, we were made dumber and dumber till we could barely think for ourselves. It is a shame it happened but I am glad I don't have to drool anymore over the great wisdom of the high priestesses obnoxious pithy of "reality".

ME

2008-12-02T16:06:00.000-08:00

I am happy that you have found me

Here in my sleep I lost sight of me

I am happy that you care

you complete me

you portray the other side of me

what I thought I lost

I know that I am not alone

I am happy that you have sheltered me

I was so cold

Emaciated and tired

I may have ended me

if not for all your hands taking hold,

pulling me from those that trapped

and tried to take all of me.

Now I can trully be me

I am finally free.

Written 12/2/08

Thankful Thanksgiving

2008-11-28T06:07:00.000-08:00

I am sitting in a hotel lobby in Auburn, California. It's about 6am. I woke up a couple hours ago, having a lot on my mind and exited about our visit with family. I woke up thinking about all the things I have to be thankful for, which is fitting for the day. I thought about the difference in my life from 2 years ago and now; night and day. There were many years were I did not believe I could get back to feeling right with myself and my place in this world. I am sure this happens to everyone at some place in their lives.

So I guess I will start with that; I am thankful to be able to feel finally that everything is going to be alright, as my husband keeps on reminding me.

I am thankful for my family and my extended family that I am starting to get to know.

I am thankful for my husband who is supportive and loving and who is my best friend.

I am thankful for my niece who is both bright and beautiful who is learning to get around in this world.

For my sister who has been a life long friend, who makes me laugh and give me support no matter what choices I make in life.

I am thankful for having a great relationship with my Mom and our time together.

For my old friends and my new friends who give me strength, love and a different perspective.

For my cats who are so cute and lovable and give us so much joy in the crazy things they do.

For having a wonderful home in a safe neighborhood with friendly neighbors and being in the center of so much.

For living in America, in Silicon Valley. I know we are suppose to be in a recession but I still feel so prosperous and blessed.

I am thankful for my counselor who helped me through many of my hard times the last couple of years.

I am thankful for having a new and wonderful car that I never have to worry about and comes back from the mechanic with a clean bill of health.

I am thankful for my health and the health of my husband.

I am thankful for the time I have now to do what I want and spend time with people without always watching the time.

I am thankful for being able to relax finally, a decade long struggle!

I am thankful for having the opportunity to having a higher education. California is such a great place to live. I went to junior college when I had no money and am going to a four year college on little college and I can afford it. Not many people could do that in the world and even in the US.

I love having a huge lemon tree in the backyard that bears fruit year round.

I am thankful for living in a place with abundant food, especially fresh fruits and vegetables. I know there are many people who only have canned fruit or veggies and the rare fresh ones are a rarity and a treat. I never have to worry about that.

I am thankful for all Gods gifts, for my life, for my future and my past. For the ability to love and feel compassion for those who have lost their way including myself. And I hope next year, about this time, I can say I am a little more forgiving and a little more sure.

Cat Lesson

2008-11-17T17:27:00.000-08:00

Today, I let both of my house cat's outside. My heart was pounding at certain points. Tobby the cat we got when he was just two months old would repeatedly look back at us after every small step he took until about an hour. Then he felt comfortable. I stayed out there watching them. The other one, Samantha had been outside before and was a bit more wordly.

I debate often if I am really doing the cats more good keeping them inside or not. Sure there are more dangers but it is in their nature to be outdoors, to explore. I am still debating.

As I sat and watched them, Samantha happy as a clam and Tobby timid yet persevering to go where we didn't want him to go, I thought about some of my recent experiences. Every month since I came out of the Academy for Psychic Studies I have been increasingly feeling more happy, free and safe.

At the Academy I use to see myself as being sheltered from the world, especially when Bill Duby was alive. Now I see I was smothered and taught to fear and be watchfully of almost everything. Suspicion was contagious and advise to stay away from other people, experiences and information was prevalent for all the members of the Academy for Psychic Studies and the Spiritual Rights Foundation. Actually you had to sign a contract saying you could not seek help elsewhere like a psychologist, attend other schools ext. unless you got permission from the leaders. This was never encouraged.

Being free from so many preconditions is new to me, I am still getting use to it. It's not to say that people aren't doing things that they aren't suppose to do, but they do it in secret and with much reservation and guilt, let's say like getting married for instance. They think they are free, but they are not. They are leading double lives. You cannot be at the Spiritual Rights Foundation and be truly free. I pray for my friends to wake up from their dream as I have and walk out from that night of darkness into the light and see that the world is a beautiful place and true friends have no conditions on you except to love, respect and cherish each other in each others differences and similarities.

I do not regret my decision one bit, only that I didn't do it sooner.

Shalom.

Purpose and Diclosure

2008-11-15T17:58:00.000-08:00

I am aware that there are both ex-members of the Spiritual Rights Foundation viewing my blog and some who are still connected to it in some way.

As our President elect Barack Obama says often, "Let us be clear...".

This blog was created as a part of my healing process to understand and let go of the past 14 years at the Academy For Psychic Studies, Spiritual Rights Foundation, ISHI International Spiritual Hypnosis Institute (For those of you reading this who are not affiliated with these places these are all the same place but named differently. They are ran and attended by all the same people in Berkeley and Willow Glen; Ca.).

This blog has another purpose, I hope it can help those who were apart of the Spiritual Rights Foundation or another Spiritual organization that is a cult. I know there are allot of people out there in the world that had a similar experience to me and it is always nice to know that you are not alone.

This blog is my way of expressing myself and coming out of the darkness that I lived in for so long.

It is not my intention to humiliate or harm anyone. I may express some unpleasant feelings or concern but that is my right, those are my feelings.

I have not and will not use any one's name unless you want me to or if you are the leaders.

I have no reservations of naming the leaders as they are ultimately the responsible parties.

What I write is my experience, my perceptions, my developing understandings. I commit to write truthfully about my experiences.

Now for those who are still members of the Spiritual Rights Foundation or those who have left but still believe in and support it, you will not agree with me about most of what I write here and that is your right.

Dreams and Astral Travel

2008-11-14T08:38:00.000-08:00

At the Academy for Psychic Studies we were taught that dreams were actually remembering astral travels and that your characters in your dreams were the actual people just traveling over to you or you to them. That these were real interactions. So in the morning you were suppose to put your dreams, especially if they were disturbing, into a rose and blow it up and/or down your grounding cord. Also one of the points of running your energy in the morning when you first wake up is to clear out any left over energy you picked up while astral traveling (You can see more about the psychology of blowing roses and other energy techniques by the video on the side bar created by the PsychDoctorate or just go to his channel at http://www.youtube.com/user/PsychDoctorate ).

Remembering dreams, especially if they were lingering throughout the day was deemed not so good. We were taught that you brought back allot of astral energy and that needed to be cleaned out of your space.

So, if lets say, you still have it on your mind, it's still bugging you then the next step according to Academy protocol is the have some do a psychic reading on it an do healing work on it so it can be cleared out of your space. This is were someone else other then yourself tell YOU what Your dream meant. Mind you, there is no analyzing, no asking any questions of what was going on in the persons like, no asking what do you think it meant. Nope. You basically say, "Can you look at this dream I had", you describe it and then right away, without any thinking on the readers part they tell you one of several options:

The antagonist in the dream is either attacking you on the astral or you have there foreign energy in your space
You could be out of your space, or another way of saying it was you were in someone elses space which was a negative
Or the reader could make up a totally new story based on what they know about you and what you were going through
Possibly you would be told you were working on something or gathering information, but this was rare and it was what he reader thought - if it didn't totally make sense to you it didn't matter, you believed what you were told. Subsequently, healing work was done and that was the end of that. You were not suppose to think about your dream anymore or else you were re-hashing it which was bad. Everything was black and white there.

What does this mean?

I believe that dreams are you working out problems from the day in your unconscious during the night. And they can give you important insight to what is going on with yourself. Actually this is what I believed before I went to the Academy for Psychic Studies. I use to record all my dreams before I started the Academy and I would analyze them and they were very helpful to me solving problems and understanding what was bothering me in my waking life.

But once I started taking classes at the Academy for Psychic Studies I soon quit doing anything with dreams and instead just cleaned them out. In fact, I stooped remembering my dreams all together. I was a good student and in the morning I ran my energy, grounded, blew roses for all astral energy. I even remember telling a teacher that I recorded my dreams and interpreted them and she "educated" me about dreaming and astral traveling and that I was using my analyzer to much and that I should stop doing that. So wanting to do the right thing I ripped up all my dream journals and never wrote one again, it's been 14 years.

After learning and doing the whole process taught by the teachers of SRF, my dreams had little chance of surviving. I remember feeling very sad that I stooped remembering my dreams, I loved to write them down and try to see the patterns in them. They helped me gain some understanding of what was beneath the surface. I figured I was just getting older or something or not getting enough sleep (which I wasn't after I started spending all my free time at the Academy for Psychic Studies and having to clean out using the techniques before I fall asleep and after I fall asleep).

What are the intentions of these techniques and steps as it relates to dreams? As I see it you were slowly being cut off from a part of yourself, your unconscious. After all this part of yourself was dangerous beause it could tell you that something was wrong.

Why is it dangerous to the Academy for Psychic Studies and the Spiritual Rights Foundation?

Dreams help you learn about yourself, they teach you about your feeling, they show you things about yourself like motivations or desires that you perhaps are not aware of yet. Dreams help you process what is happening throughout the day. Dreams can guide you. Dreams can make you laugh and cry. They can seem like total nonsense or they can make you realize that something has really been on your mind (like some problems in a relationship) and they can help you take action and confront this problem.

So at the Academy for Psychic Studies I was cut off from this aspect of my mind, my unconscious and in it's place a reader told me what they saw or cleaned it out if I remembered anything at all.
This was another way of control, of cutting you off from your own information, of your own feelings or your own healing process.

There was always someone at the Academy that was experiencing insomnia for months on end. I wonder what that meant? Rarely did anyone got look at's for dreams, I wonder what this means?

Since I stopped using the techniques I began having more dreams, I know what this means! I am getting to trust myself again and re-establish my own natural healing processes. And I am not afraid to tell people about my dreams.

Dream_11_13_08

2008-11-13T09:06:00.000-08:00

I had a dream this morning, probably spawned be my last post. I dreamt that one of the oldest children who is now in her early twenties, now living on the east coast, read yesterdays entry on my message to the children... She wrote me several long comments, that I was full of it and that it was her choice to do all of the things Bill had her do. And of course in true Academy style to never contact her again.

I saw her blog, it had the same music there. And there were pictures of her, she looked angry, sad. There were many pictures of her at parties.

At the same time she had sent me three or four Cd's of these hard rock and roll bands, and heavy metal, each had stickers on them. There original selling price for $16.78 and $17.56. They were really old though and some of the plastic wrap was coming off. I wondered why she sent me gifts if she was so angry and didn't want to see me. I wondered if I could send her a Christmas card.

Then the scene changed. I was at the academy and ten or more of the ministers were there. They were sitting around in a circle. I was in one of the corners. It was brought to their attention about Mike and my blogs. Robin was talking to me asking me questions, in her calm, quite, empty way, why would I want to leave? I looked at her, feeling like she was crazy, how could she be so blind and how could she keep up the pretence that everything was OK.

Then I was home with Mike. Angela (the Director of the Spiritual Rights Foundation) called us and Mike answered. They were talking, and I gathered she was concerned about my new perspective of the Spiritual Rights Foundation and thought I needed help. She was trying to convince Mike to let her come over and talk to me, see if she could help straighten me out and get me into some classes. He was going along with her as he was trying to stifle a laugh. He looked at me and was making funny faces. I laughed. She wanted to talk to me she I took the phone.

Her voice surprised me, it sounded old and worn. She sounded utterly exhausted. I felt bad for her knowing how hard it must be to keep Bill Duby's dream alive. Then she was there at my house, in my living room, on one of the couches. Mike was sitting in a chair by the fireplace and I was standing up facing her. She was talking to me convinced that she could change my mind. But she did not know that I had already changed to a point of no return. I could not go back and I challenged her assumptions about me and about the Academy and what they were doing to people. I was at a position now to change her mind. I wore a red dress and she sat on the couch looking old and worn. I felt bad for her but I knew what I had to do and I kept on talking like I never could do in real life.

Message to the children of the Spiritual Rights Foundation

2008-11-12T12:35:00.000-08:00

Children of the Spiritual Rights Foundation,

There is so much I want to say to you. So much I wanted to say over the years. Mike and I wonder how you are doing about every week. Every week we talk about you, how wonderful you are and how horrible we feel about how much you suffered as children. I think about one or more of you almost everyday now. But I do not want to invade your privacy. So if you somehow come across this I hope you read it.

Even when all the divorce battles began I felt extremely uncomfortable seeing Bill Duby tell you to tell your Fathers on the phone and tell them that you hate them. I sat and watched idly by as I saw in the moment of Bill Duby's inspiration him tell your mom or you to call your Dad right then and there. And then I watched; as you or your Mom was on the phone, I watched as he told you what to say and you would have to repeat it word for word. This could go on for 5 or 10 minutes. I hope you know now that he had no right to use you like that, you were just a child and should only be concerned with childhood things.

Often I would come home from SP or a project and complain to Mike at how I saw some of you, only ten years old or so carrying video equipment up two flights of stairs to the attic at MIDNIGHT OR 1:00 AM!!! There you worked with some of the adults on making tapes for the church, so the leaders could prosper and share their message. An adult should have been doing that work. You really needed to be home in bed, fast asleep or at least faking sleep to finish reading a really cool book or magazine. You were just a child, you needed a regular bed time, you needed to sleep on your own bed every night and never should you have had to sleep on the floor of the academy when you lived only 10 minutes away. Your Mom and Dad's should have protected you but they didn't. I am sorry.

Now you are adults and I hope you are taking good care of yourself and reach out for help when you need it. I hope you get a good nights sleep and it is never to late to catch up on childhood dreams. Believe me, I am.

I feel horrible that I could not have protected you, that I was so afraid to speak up. I am sure many of your parents were in the same boat. If nothing else, now, I will give you a virtual hug and a kiss and know that I love you no matter what.

Joy

EMOTIONAL MANIPULATION LIST

2008-11-11T22:12:00.000-08:00

Margaret Thaler Singer wrote a great book called Cults In Our Midst. I recommend this book to anyone who wants to learn about cults, what they are, what happens in them and how to recover.

I want to include an excerpt from this book that I believe will help with understanding some of the nuances of emotional manipulation:

Emotional Manipulation

When leaders do not browbeat members into conformity but instead make use of the way people in groups learn through what they see other group members doing, personal behavioral and attitudinal changes are less noticeable to individuals. As one former cult member after another told me, "I changed without being aware of it." This unconscious change is partly due to the power of the contagion of mood in groups. Cults induce feelings of guilt, shame, and fear, and use sex and intimacy controls to keep members dependent on the groups...

According to Cialdini (Robert Cialdini is a social psychologist), the majority of the thousands of different tactics that compliance professionals use fall into six categories, and each category is based on a psychological principle that directs human behavior. These six principles are:

Consistency. We try to justify our earlier behavior.

Reciprocity. If somebody gives us something, we try to repay in kind.

Social proof. We try to find out what other people think is correct.

Authority. We have a deep-seated sense of duty to authority figures.

Liking. We obey people we like.

Scarcity. If we come to want something, we can be made to fear that if we wait it will be gone. The opportunity to get it may pass. We want it now-whatever is being offered, from an object to cosmic consciousness.

Looking at this list and thinking about our own behavior makes it easier to see how a manipulative person can move someone along a given pathway-depending on his or her skills and the person's state of being and circumstances. We can see how transformations occur when the six principles are skillfully put into play by cult leaders and cultic groups. For example:

Consistency. If you have made a commitment to the group and then break it, you can be made to feel guilty.

Reciprocity. If you accept the group's food and attentions, you feel you should repay them.

Social proof. if you look around in the group, you will see people behaving in particular ways. You imitate what you see and assume that such behavior is proper, good, and expected.

Authority. If you tend to respect authority, and your cult leader claims superior knowledge, power, and special missions in life, you accept him as an authority.

Liking. If you are the object of love bombing and other tactics that surround you, make you feel wanted and loved, and make you like the people in the group, you feel you ought to obey these people.

Scarcity. If you are told that without the group you will miss out on living a life without stress; miss out on attaining cosmic awareness and bliss; miss out on changing the world instantly or gaining the ability to travel back in time; or miss out on whatever the group offers that is tailored to seem essential to you, you will feel you must buy it now.

Am I angry?

2008-11-11T09:19:00.000-08:00

Am I angry? Of course, who would'nt be if they find out that they have been exploited and manipulated for so many years. In my case about 14 years. I am angry at all the lies I was told, the abuse, the mind control.

I am angry that I am so mistrustfull now of anything religous and people in general. I am afraid of making friends becasue now becasue of my experience at Spiritual Rights Foundation was you only kept friends if you kept with the program, if you did not you would become ostrasised. You could never trully be yourself and be totally honest with another person. Everyone was allways watching their back and looking for defectors. If you mentioned any doubts your "friends" would slowly but surly start to turn their backs on you. And they would rat you out to the powers to be, all with a smile on their face and a sigh of relief that they are not in your shoes.

But I am also filled with many other emotions. I think allot about the people I care about there and how they are managing in that crazy environment. Are they ok? Are they going to make it?

When will the next pearson break down? What will hapen to them? I wish I could be there for them, I wish I could help. It is so frustrating to see so many people I love suffer blindly lead by *!@$%#!**(-><. Lets just say it is a family blog. But you know what I mean.

I think about many of the older people there. Rev. Bill told them to work for themselves so they could have flexible hours so they could spend more time at the academy and be more available at his beck and call. He also persuaded many of them to not pay Social Security money. Can you imagine? How are they going to f****** retire. They own no house, no securities, they have probably no savings. What are they going to retire on? Yeah I am angry.

A Few Wedding Pictures

2008-11-10T19:48:00.000-08:00

Mike and I are both ex-members of the Spiritual Rights Foundation.

We were married

On July 26, 2008.

Spiritual Rights Foundation Church?

2008-11-10T18:38:00.000-08:00

Well they call it a church and it is in all practicality in that they call themselves ministers, they hold a church service, use a bible and other books and dress in robes.

They hold one church service a month for the members which is basically made up of ministers or students in the clairvoyant training program through their Academy for Psychic Studies. Very few "outsiders" come to church. You have to have gone through a good amount of indoctrination to attend because most people are leery at first and it sure would not make sense to anyone unless you had enough time to learn the whole lingo of the Spiritual Rights Foundation.

God, in the 13 or 14 years I was there I only saw a handful of people come to church who had never gone first to one of their schools under the umbrella of the spiritual rights foundation for a long time.

They don't really read the bible but they translate it using a Swedenborg Bible. There is a whole theory of why that is best but I never understood it. So everything is filtered through that. Oh and the other filter of Rev. Debbie making the ministers redo their sermons sometimes five or six times until they say exactly what Debbie wants them to say.

And each part of the church service has a pychic reading and self realization, both somehow point to the fact that the techniques and concepts of the Spiritual Rights Foundation and the Academy are so great and benificial. That's usually the general gist of it. Half of the service is just one big advertisment. When I was little I visited many churches and none had more emphasis on selling a class, a concept and person (Rev. Bill) then the gospel.

Being ordained a minister at the Spiritual Rights Foundaton includes no formal training in divinity and you are not required to read one verse of The Bible or any bible for that matter. I will have to write more on that in another entry.

The other interesting part is that most of the church service is the same verses from the bible said over and over again every Sunday. There are slight variations on how the ministers say the verse but the sermons are always the same including give us money so you can be rich and have a prosperous life. Yeah, I guess I am trying to say the services are extremely boring, only the dedicated can bear to here them and thank God they are just once a month:-).

Poem-A Shadow_August 3, 1997

2008-11-10T18:08:00.000-08:00

a Shadow
crossed over the sidwalk
i saw it as i walked to town
i wondered how to get rid of it
a friend said i had to wait
till sundown.

Poem-Never have I_March 1996

2008-11-10T17:44:00.000-08:00

This poem along with most of my poems written during my early years at the academy where written during what is called the honeymoon stage.

This is where I felt loved and safe by my new community. I adored the leader Rev. Bill and was promised, if I only use the teaching and techniques, I would be prosperous on all levels of the financial, spiritual, physical and emotional keys - my cup will overrunith. I believed this whole heatedly, I had not a care in the world, save the ones that snuck in to my head and heart. They made me fell like such a bad student and an evil person and I worked so hard to suppress them.

This picture is of Rev. Bill Duby in 2000 or 2001 which is a year or two before he died. For ex-SRF members this picture may bring up allot of pain, anger, hate, rage. I am sorry if it is to disturbing to people who knew him and did not want to see him again. I know there are many out there that would react this way. I know your hurt.

But then at the same time I cannot help but feel those old feelings of love, adoration, loyalty, commitment, sympathy and a strong desire to please and give to him for all he had done for me. Some may find this strange but I feel a strong sense of love for him looking at this picture though I know he did terrible things to me and others. A part of me wants to just stay here, feeling that love and calm and forget everything else.

But he is gone now and I know better. It took me years to see him in a more realistic vein. Innocents of that time has been long lost. Now I must reclaim my soul and life from all that he tainted.

Never have I seen

such an open heart

until I saw you

in a crowd

Everything was bustling about

except you

you seemed so calm

so at peace

because you were

guided by the God of your Heart

Autobiography 1_Sept1994

2008-11-10T14:17:00.000-08:00

Around my Birthday September 9, 1994 – First contact, just turned 16 years old.

One of my older sisters brought me and my brother to a Reading Jamboree at the Academy for Psychic Studies in Santa Clara. She received a poster for it at her work place which was a costume shop. For a birthday present for me she paid for a 15 minute psychic reading on past lives. She new I had been interested in numerology, astrology and palmistry at the time.

My reader who was a minister languished me with praises like how wonderful I am and how psychic I am. But she told me that my rose was brown because of foreign energy from my family, especially men in my family and that was cutting off my energy. In Academy terms I was being invalidated and was filled to the brim with foreign male energy and I needed to get into classes to clear this energy out. This could create serious problems for me down the line. The way she talked made me feel like I was being attacked or threatened.

But being so young and naive I was in awe that someone could know so much about me, even stuff I had never known before. The concept of psychic reading intrigued me and the confidence and seeming kindness of the reader convinced me that she somehow knew what she was talking about although I did not quite get this. It was a mystery to me how men in my life was somehow taking over my body through their energy.

The Academy was tiny. It was in a little cottage near Santa Clara University. There was a closet and a bathroom., two rooms used for readings and classes, one bigger room for healing clinic, reading and classes and the room upon first entry is where they had the desk and advertisements for classes, retreats and tapes. The rooms had a new fresh coat of paint and looked nice enough although there was an odd lack of furniture.

Basically all the rooms had hard metal folding chairs in them and a few prints on the walls. There were tape recorders right on the floors ready to record a reading.

The main room had a high chair for the teachers to sit. Later on in my training I was told teachers should sit above students to stay above and out of their energy. To be a teacher was a point of power to somehow see more about a person then the person him or herself. And to accomplish this a simple change of height was sufficient. Really and I thought it was just intimidating.

One of the ministers in charge of greeting people took about 40 minutes with us and told us of all the offerings of classes at the school and how they would help us. We were there longer then expected and my sister was trying to get going. We finally left and I thought that was the last time I would see them. Boy was I wrong.

Finally got the courage...

2008-11-10T10:56:00.000-08:00

Welcome,

I am so excited that I finally have the courage to write about my experiences at the cult, Spiritual Rights Foundation. It took me a long time to get up this courage and I feel such a big weight lifted from my soul. I was afraid of what the people (mainly leaders) may do or say or in most likelihood get others to say or do for them. But the biggest fear was that I would loose all possible contact with anyone there that I truly care about if I said anything against the church. But through a series of events I saw that I was just still under their control and I really wanted to find a way to speak out. Plus some members of the church cut me off so I guess I don't have anything to loose anymore. My husband actually started his own blog many months ago, this was so inspiring to me as well.

I am writing as a way of my own healing process to let go. I am also writing in the hopes that others would be helped as well. Many people may discover this site for various reasons, ex-cult members, family members worried about their children or loved ones or just curious people who are interested in the human experience. So I look forward to sharing my story with you and feel free to tell yours as well if you are so inspired.

Thanks,
Joy